Osho on Marriage And Friendship

Osho on Marriage and Friendship

Question : Why is it so difficult for men and women to be Friends? It Seems so ordinary, and turns out to be almost Impossible. Either there is an ugly compromise -- like man and wife -- Or else Passion that eventually turns into Hate. Why is There always ugliness between men and women?
Osho : It is very simple to understand. Marriage is the ugliest institution invented by man. It is not natural; it has been invented so that you can monopolize a woman. You have been treating women as if they were a piece of land, or some currency notes. You have reduced the woman to a thing. Remember that if you reduce any human being to a thing -- unaware, unconscious -- you are also being reduced to the same status; otherwise, you will not be able to communicate. If you can talk with a chair, you must be a chair.

Marriage is against nature. You can be certain only of this moment that is in your hands. All promises for tomorrow are lies -- and marriage is a promise for your whole life, that you will remain together, that you will love each other, that you will respect each other till your last breath. And these priests, who are the inventors of many ugly things, say to you that marriages are made in heaven. Nothing is made in heaven; there is no heaven. If you listen to nature, your problems, your questions will simply evaporate.

The problem is: biologically man is attracted to woman, women are attracted to men, but that attraction cannot remain the same forever. You are attracted to something which is a challenge to get. You see a beautiful man, a beautiful woman; you are attracted. Nothing is wrong in it. You feel your heart beating faster. You would like to be with this woman or man, and the attraction is so tremendous that in that moment you think you would like to live with this woman forever.

Lovers don't deceive each other, they are saying the truth -- but that truth belongs to the moment. When lovers say to each other, "I cannot live without you," it is not that he is deceiving or she is deceiving, they mean it. But they don't know the nature of life. Tomorrow this same woman will not look so beautiful. As days pass, the man and the woman both will feel that they are imprisoned. They have know each other's geography completely. First it was an unknown territory to be discovered, now there is nothing to be discovered.

And to go on repeating the same words and the same acts looks mechanical, ugly. That's why passion turns into hate. The woman hates you, because you are going to do the same thing again. To prevent you, the moment the husband enters the house she goes to bed, she has a headache. She wants somehow not to get into the same rut. And the man is flirting with his secretary in the office; now she is an unknown territory. To me, it is all nature. What is unnatural is binding people in the name of religion, in the name of God, for their whole life.

In a better, more intelligent world, people will love, but will not make any contracts. It is not a business! They will understand each other, and they will understand the changing flux of life. They will be true to each other. The moment the man feels that now his beloved holds no joy for him, he will say that the time has come to part. There is no need for marriage, there is no need for divorce. Then friendship will be possible. You ask me why friendship is not possible between men and women.... Friendship is not possible between the jailer and the imprisoned.

Friendship is possible between equal human beings, totally free from all bondage of society, culture, civilization, only living true to their authentic nature. It is not an insult to the woman to say, "Honey, the honeymoon is over." It is not an insult to the man if the woman says, "Now things cannot be beautiful. The wind that has blown is no longer there. The season has changed, it is no longer spring between us; no flowers blossom, no fragrance arises. It is time to part." And because there is no legal bondage of marriage, there is no question of any divorce.

It is ugly that the court and the law and the state interfere in your private life -- you have to ask their permission. Who are they? It is a question between two individuals, their private affair. There will be only friends -- no husbands, no wives. Of course, if there is only friendship, passion will never turn into hate. The moment you feel passion disappearing, you will say good-bye, and it will be understood. Even if it hurts, nothing can be done about it -- it is the way of life.

But man has created societies, cultures, civilizations, rules, regulations, and made the whole humanity unnatural. That's why men and women cannot be friends. And men and women either become husbands and wives -- which is something absolutely ugly; they start owning each other.... People are not things, you cannot have ownership. If I feel your wife is beautiful, and approach her, you are angry, you are ready to fight because I am approaching your property. No wife is anybody's property, no husband is anybody's property.

What kind of world have you created? People are reduced to properties; then there is jealousy, hatred. You yourself know that you are attracted to the neighbor's wife; naturally, you can guess about your wife too. Your wife knows perfectly well she is attracted to somebody else, but she cannot approach that person because of the husband: he is standing there with a gun! Love is bound to turn into hate, and for the whole life the hate goes on accumulating. And out of this hatred do you think beautiful children are going to be born?

They are not born out of love, but out of duty. It is the wife's duty to allow you to use her. To tell the truth, there is no difference between wives and prostitutes. The difference is just like the difference between having your own car or going in a taxi. A prostitute is purchased only for a few hours; wives are a long-term affair, it is economical. Royal families are not allowed to marry outside royal blood: status, money, power.... Nobody can love anybody in such circumstances, where the relationship is financial.

The woman is dependent on you because you earn. And for centuries men have not allowed women to be educated, to be in business, to have jobs, for the simple reason that if the woman has her own financial status, her own bank account, you cannot reduce her to a thing. She has to be dependent on you. And do you think anybody who has to be dependent on you will love you? Every woman wants to kill the husband. It is another matter that she does not kill him -- because if she kills him, what will she do?

She is not educated, she has no experience of the society, she has no way of earning. The husband -- every husband, I don't make any exceptions -- wants to get rid of the woman. But he cannot get rid of her. There are children, and he himself has promised the woman thousands of times that he loves her. When he goes to his job he kisses the woman; there is no love in it, just skeletons touching each other. Nobody is present. Man has created a society in which friendship between man and woman is impossible.

remember, friendship is so valuable that whatsoever the consequence, remain friends even with your wife, even with your husband, and allow absolute and total freedom to each other. I don't see any problem. If I love a woman, and one day she says that she has fallen in love with somebody else and feels very happy, I will be happy. I love her, and I would like her to be happy -- where is the problem? I will help her in every way so that she can be more happy. If she can be more happy with somebody else, what hurts me?

It is your ego that hurts: she has found somebody else who is better than you. It is not a question of better, it may be just your chauffeur -- it is just a question of a little change. And if you give full freedom to each other, perhaps you can remain together for your whole life, or for the whole eternity, because there is no need to get rid of each other. Marriage creates the need to get rid of each other, because it means freedom is taken away -- and freedom is the highest value in human life.

Make all the couples free, and you will be surprised, this very world becomes paradise. here are other problems. You have children -- what to do with children? My answer is that children should not belong to their parents, they should belong to the commune. Then there is no problem. The parents can meet the children, they can invite the children, they can be friends with their children; and yet the children are not dependent on them, they belong to the commune. And it will destroy many psychological problems.

If a boy knows only his mother, the mother's personality becomes an imprint on him. Now, his whole life he will be trying to find a woman who is like his mother -- and he will never find such a woman. A girl will never find another man who is exactly a copy of her father. Then you cannot be satisfied with any woman, any man. But if the children belong to the commune, they will come in contact with so many uncles and so many aunts -- they will not carry a single picture in their minds.

They will have a vague idea of womanhood or manhood, and to that idea, many people of the commune will have contributed; it will be multidimensional. There is a possibility of finding somebody, because you only have a vague idea. You can find somebody, and that person will make your vague idea solid, a reality. Right now you have a solid idea within you, and you meet a vague person. Sooner or later there is disappointment. And children belonging to the commune will learn much, will be more friendly, will be more available to all kinds of influences.

They will be richer. A child being brought up by a couple is very poor. He does not know that there are millions of people with different minds, different kinds of beauty. If a child moves in the commune, naturally he will be far richer. And he will have known so much before he decides to be with someone that there is a possibility of a long friendship. What happens now? You see a girl on the beach and you fall in love. You know nothing about the girl, you know only her make-up.

Tomorrow morning when you get up and the make-up is gone, you will say, "My God! What have I done? This is not the woman I married, this is someone else!" But you cannot go against your word either. And if you do, then the government is there, the courts are there to put you back into your right place. This is a very ugly situation, sick. People should be given freedom to know each other, to know as many people as possible, because each person is so unique, there is no question of comparison. Let the child drink from many sources, and he will have some insight into who is going to be the right person to live with.

Nobody will fall in love; everybody will decide consciously that "This is the one." He has known so many people, he understands that this is the one who has those characteristics, those qualities that he has loved. And then too it is only going to be a friendship. There is no fear; if tomorrow things change there is no harm. The society should not live in a routine way, in a fixed way -- static, dormant -- it should be a moving flux. One woman can give you a certain kind of joy, another woman can give you another kind of joy.

A third woman will be a surprise. So why remain poor"? -- just because Jesus has said, "Blessed are the poor"? Be richer in every dimension, and keep yourself open and available. And whoever you are with, let the other person understand clearly that "It is freedom between us, not a marriage license. Out of freedom we meet, with no promises for the future -- because who knows the future?"

When I was a student in the university in my final master's course, one girl was very much interested in me. She was a beautiful girl, but my interest was not in women at that time. I was crazy in search of God! After the examinations, when she was leaving the university.... She had waited -- I knew it -- she had waited and waited for me to approach her. That is the usual way, that the man approaches the woman; it is graceful for the woman not to approach the man.

Strange idea... I don't understand. Whoever approaches, it is graceful. If fact, whoever initiates is courageous. When we were leaving the university she said, "Now there is no chance." She took me aside and said, "For two years continuously I have been waiting. Can't we be together for our whole lives? I love you."

I said, "If you love me, then please leave me alone. I also love you, that's why I am leaving you alone -- because I know what has been happening in the name of love.

People are becoming imprisoned, chained; they lose all their joy, life becomes a drag. So this is my parting advice to you," I said, "Never try to cling to a person for your whole life." If two persons are willingly together today, it is more than enough. If tomorrow again they feel like being together, good. If they don't, it is their personal affair; nobody has to interfere. Up to now, the problem of the children has always been raised. My answer is that children should belong to the commune.

They can go to their parents, whether their parents are together or separate. And they should learn from their parents that love is no slavery, it is freedom. And they should move in the commune, tasting, enjoying different qualities of different people. So by the time they decide, their decision will be not just a foolish type of "falling in love"; it will be a very considered, contemplated, meditated phenomenon. There is a possibility they may remain together for their whole lives. In fact, if there is freedom, there is more possibility; more people will remain together.

If marriage disappears, divorce disappears automatically. This is a by-product of marriage. Nobody takes note of the simple fact: why for centuries have there been prostitutes? Who created them? Who is responsible for these poor women? It is the institution of marriage. You are bored with your wife; just for a change you go to a woman who is not going to be a bondage -- because one is enough, two will be too much. It is just a temporary, few hours' meeting. You can keep yourself lovely for a few hours, loving for a few hours.

She can keep herself lovely and loving for a few hours. And moreover, she has been paid for it. Around the world millions of women are reduced to selling their bodies. Who has done it? Your political leaders, your religious leaders. I consider these people criminals. And not ordinary criminals, because for centuries the whole humanity has been suffering because of these few idiots. But you have to start with yourself, there is no other way. If you love somebody, then freedom should be the connecting link between you.

And if you see your woman tomorrow hugging somebody else, there is no need to be jealous. She is being enriched, she is tasting a little newness -- just the way you go sometimes to a Chinese restaurant! It is good. You will come back to your own food, but the Chinese restaurant has helped you; you may relish your own food more. But after a few days, again -- that's how the mind is -- you are moving towards an Italian restaurant... spaghetti. I cannot even tolerate somebody eating spaghetti in front of me!

But that is my problem. Life is so simple and so beautiful, just one thing is missing: freedom. If your wife is being with some other people, soon she will come back to you enriched, with new insight. And she will find something in you she had never found before. And meanwhile, you need not just sit down in your chair and beat your head. You also gain experience, so that by the time your woman is back you are also new. You have also been to the Chinese restaurant. Life should be a joy, a rejoicing. And then only can there be friendship between men and women; otherwise, they are going to remain intimate enemies.



Related Osho Discourses:
Osho on what is Love
Osho Videos on Love
Osho discourse on Love - Am I in Love
Osho on Life in a marriage and its Problem
Osho - why do you ask people to get Married
What is Jealousy and why does it Hurt so much
I very much doubt my wife. What should I do
Forget Relationships and learn how to Relate
Osho on Commitment and Non-Attachment in Love
Osho on importance of Commitment in a Relationship
Osho on Relationship between Living Partners and Growth
Problems of Love - In my relationship I often lose my Self
Difficulty in relating with people, Relationship is not relating
Osho - Cannot one ever find a Perfect Partner in Marriage?
Osho - Before you can Love Yourself you have to know yourself
Osho on Aloneness - We are born alone, we live alone, and we die alone
First come to terms with one's Loneliness before entering into Relationship
Osho on hell of living with a woman and the hell of living without a woman
If love is destroyed in Marriage, how are we to Live if we wish to share love

^Top Back to Counseling

































Osho on Marriage and Friendship

Question : Why is it so difficult for men and women to be Friends? It Seems so ordinary, and turns out to be almost Impossible. Either there is an ugly compromise -- like man and wife -- Or else Passion that eventually turns into Hate. Why is There always ugliness between men and women?
Osho : It is very simple to understand. Marriage is the ugliest institution invented by man. It is not natural; it has been invented so that you can monopolize a woman. You have been treating women as if they were a piece of land, or some currency notes. You have reduced the woman to a thing. Remember that if you reduce any human being to a thing -- unaware, unconscious -- you are also being reduced to the same status; otherwise, you will not be able to communicate. If you can talk with a chair, you must be a chair.

Marriage is against nature. You can be certain only of this moment that is in your hands. All promises for tomorrow are lies -- and marriage is a promise for your whole life, that you will remain together, that you will love each other, that you will respect each other till your last breath. And these priests, who are the inventors of many ugly things, say to you that marriages are made in heaven. Nothing is made in heaven; there is no heaven. If you listen to nature, your problems, your questions will simply evaporate.

The problem is: biologically man is attracted to woman, women are attracted to men, but that attraction cannot remain the same forever. You are attracted to something which is a challenge to get. You see a beautiful man, a beautiful woman; you are attracted. Nothing is wrong in it. You feel your heart beating faster. You would like to be with this woman or man, and the attraction is so tremendous that in that moment you think you would like to live with this woman forever.

Lovers don't deceive each other, they are saying the truth -- but that truth belongs to the moment. When lovers say to each other, "I cannot live without you," it is not that he is deceiving or she is deceiving, they mean it. But they don't know the nature of life. Tomorrow this same woman will not look so beautiful. As days pass, the man and the woman both will feel that they are imprisoned. They have know each other's geography completely. First it was an unknown territory to be discovered, now there is nothing to be discovered.

And to go on repeating the same words and the same acts looks mechanical, ugly. That's why passion turns into hate. The woman hates you, because you are going to do the same thing again. To prevent you, the moment the husband enters the house she goes to bed, she has a headache. She wants somehow not to get into the same rut. And the man is flirting with his secretary in the office; now she is an unknown territory. To me, it is all nature. What is unnatural is binding people in the name of religion, in the name of God, for their whole life.

In a better, more intelligent world, people will love, but will not make any contracts. It is not a business! They will understand each other, and they will understand the changing flux of life. They will be true to each other. The moment the man feels that now his beloved holds no joy for him, he will say that the time has come to part. There is no need for marriage, there is no need for divorce. Then friendship will be possible. You ask me why friendship is not possible between men and women.... Friendship is not possible between the jailer and the imprisoned.

Friendship is possible between equal human beings, totally free from all bondage of society, culture, civilization, only living true to their authentic nature. It is not an insult to the woman to say, "Honey, the honeymoon is over." It is not an insult to the man if the woman says, "Now things cannot be beautiful. The wind that has blown is no longer there. The season has changed, it is no longer spring between us; no flowers blossom, no fragrance arises. It is time to part." And because there is no legal bondage of marriage, there is no question of any divorce.

It is ugly that the court and the law and the state interfere in your private life -- you have to ask their permission. Who are they? It is a question between two individuals, their private affair. There will be only friends -- no husbands, no wives. Of course, if there is only friendship, passion will never turn into hate. The moment you feel passion disappearing, you will say good-bye, and it will be understood. Even if it hurts, nothing can be done about it -- it is the way of life.

But man has created societies, cultures, civilizations, rules, regulations, and made the whole humanity unnatural. That's why men and women cannot be friends. And men and women either become husbands and wives -- which is something absolutely ugly; they start owning each other.... People are not things, you cannot have ownership. If I feel your wife is beautiful, and approach her, you are angry, you are ready to fight because I am approaching your property. No wife is anybody's property, no husband is anybody's property.

What kind of world have you created? People are reduced to properties; then there is jealousy, hatred. You yourself know that you are attracted to the neighbor's wife; naturally, you can guess about your wife too. Your wife knows perfectly well she is attracted to somebody else, but she cannot approach that person because of the husband: he is standing there with a gun! Love is bound to turn into hate, and for the whole life the hate goes on accumulating. And out of this hatred do you think beautiful children are going to be born?

They are not born out of love, but out of duty. It is the wife's duty to allow you to use her. To tell the truth, there is no difference between wives and prostitutes. The difference is just like the difference between having your own car or going in a taxi. A prostitute is purchased only for a few hours; wives are a long-term affair, it is economical. Royal families are not allowed to marry outside royal blood: status, money, power.... Nobody can love anybody in such circumstances, where the relationship is financial.

The woman is dependent on you because you earn. And for centuries men have not allowed women to be educated, to be in business, to have jobs, for the simple reason that if the woman has her own financial status, her own bank account, you cannot reduce her to a thing. She has to be dependent on you. And do you think anybody who has to be dependent on you will love you? Every woman wants to kill the husband. It is another matter that she does not kill him -- because if she kills him, what will she do?

She is not educated, she has no experience of the society, she has no way of earning. The husband -- every husband, I don't make any exceptions -- wants to get rid of the woman. But he cannot get rid of her. There are children, and he himself has promised the woman thousands of times that he loves her. When he goes to his job he kisses the woman; there is no love in it, just skeletons touching each other. Nobody is present. Man has created a society in which friendship between man and woman is impossible.

remember, friendship is so valuable that whatsoever the consequence, remain friends even with your wife, even with your husband, and allow absolute and total freedom to each other. I don't see any problem. If I love a woman, and one day she says that she has fallen in love with somebody else and feels very happy, I will be happy. I love her, and I would like her to be happy -- where is the problem? I will help her in every way so that she can be more happy. If she can be more happy with somebody else, what hurts me?

It is your ego that hurts: she has found somebody else who is better than you. It is not a question of better, it may be just your chauffeur -- it is just a question of a little change. And if you give full freedom to each other, perhaps you can remain together for your whole life, or for the whole eternity, because there is no need to get rid of each other. Marriage creates the need to get rid of each other, because it means freedom is taken away -- and freedom is the highest value in human life.

Make all the couples free, and you will be surprised, this very world becomes paradise. here are other problems. You have children -- what to do with children? My answer is that children should not belong to their parents, they should belong to the commune. Then there is no problem. The parents can meet the children, they can invite the children, they can be friends with their children; and yet the children are not dependent on them, they belong to the commune. And it will destroy many psychological problems.

If a boy knows only his mother, the mother's personality becomes an imprint on him. Now, his whole life he will be trying to find a woman who is like his mother -- and he will never find such a woman. A girl will never find another man who is exactly a copy of her father. Then you cannot be satisfied with any woman, any man. But if the children belong to the commune, they will come in contact with so many uncles and so many aunts -- they will not carry a single picture in their minds.

They will have a vague idea of womanhood or manhood, and to that idea, many people of the commune will have contributed; it will be multidimensional. There is a possibility of finding somebody, because you only have a vague idea. You can find somebody, and that person will make your vague idea solid, a reality. Right now you have a solid idea within you, and you meet a vague person. Sooner or later there is disappointment. And children belonging to the commune will learn much, will be more friendly, will be more available to all kinds of influences.

They will be richer. A child being brought up by a couple is very poor. He does not know that there are millions of people with different minds, different kinds of beauty. If a child moves in the commune, naturally he will be far richer. And he will have known so much before he decides to be with someone that there is a possibility of a long friendship. What happens now? You see a girl on the beach and you fall in love. You know nothing about the girl, you know only her make-up.

Tomorrow morning when you get up and the make-up is gone, you will say, "My God! What have I done? This is not the woman I married, this is someone else!" But you cannot go against your word either. And if you do, then the government is there, the courts are there to put you back into your right place. This is a very ugly situation, sick. People should be given freedom to know each other, to know as many people as possible, because each person is so unique, there is no question of comparison. Let the child drink from many sources, and he will have some insight into who is going to be the right person to live with.

Nobody will fall in love; everybody will decide consciously that "This is the one." He has known so many people, he understands that this is the one who has those characteristics, those qualities that he has loved. And then too it is only going to be a friendship. There is no fear; if tomorrow things change there is no harm. The society should not live in a routine way, in a fixed way -- static, dormant -- it should be a moving flux. One woman can give you a certain kind of joy, another woman can give you another kind of joy.

A third woman will be a surprise. So why remain poor"? -- just because Jesus has said, "Blessed are the poor"? Be richer in every dimension, and keep yourself open and available. And whoever you are with, let the other person understand clearly that "It is freedom between us, not a marriage license. Out of freedom we meet, with no promises for the future -- because who knows the future?"

When I was a student in the university in my final master's course, one girl was very much interested in me. She was a beautiful girl, but my interest was not in women at that time. I was crazy in search of God! After the examinations, when she was leaving the university.... She had waited -- I knew it -- she had waited and waited for me to approach her. That is the usual way, that the man approaches the woman; it is graceful for the woman not to approach the man.

Strange idea... I don't understand. Whoever approaches, it is graceful. If fact, whoever initiates is courageous. When we were leaving the university she said, "Now there is no chance." She took me aside and said, "For two years continuously I have been waiting. Can't we be together for our whole lives? I love you."

I said, "If you love me, then please leave me alone. I also love you, that's why I am leaving you alone -- because I know what has been happening in the name of love.

People are becoming imprisoned, chained; they lose all their joy, life becomes a drag. So this is my parting advice to you," I said, "Never try to cling to a person for your whole life." If two persons are willingly together today, it is more than enough. If tomorrow again they feel like being together, good. If they don't, it is their personal affair; nobody has to interfere. Up to now, the problem of the children has always been raised. My answer is that children should belong to the commune.

They can go to their parents, whether their parents are together or separate. And they should learn from their parents that love is no slavery, it is freedom. And they should move in the commune, tasting, enjoying different qualities of different people. So by the time they decide, their decision will be not just a foolish type of "falling in love"; it will be a very considered, contemplated, meditated phenomenon. There is a possibility they may remain together for their whole lives. In fact, if there is freedom, there is more possibility; more people will remain together.

If marriage disappears, divorce disappears automatically. This is a by-product of marriage. Nobody takes note of the simple fact: why for centuries have there been prostitutes? Who created them? Who is responsible for these poor women? It is the institution of marriage. You are bored with your wife; just for a change you go to a woman who is not going to be a bondage -- because one is enough, two will be too much. It is just a temporary, few hours' meeting. You can keep yourself lovely for a few hours, loving for a few hours.

She can keep herself lovely and loving for a few hours. And moreover, she has been paid for it. Around the world millions of women are reduced to selling their bodies. Who has done it? Your political leaders, your religious leaders. I consider these people criminals. And not ordinary criminals, because for centuries the whole humanity has been suffering because of these few idiots. But you have to start with yourself, there is no other way. If you love somebody, then freedom should be the connecting link between you.

And if you see your woman tomorrow hugging somebody else, there is no need to be jealous. She is being enriched, she is tasting a little newness -- just the way you go sometimes to a Chinese restaurant! It is good. You will come back to your own food, but the Chinese restaurant has helped you; you may relish your own food more. But after a few days, again -- that's how the mind is -- you are moving towards an Italian restaurant... spaghetti. I cannot even tolerate somebody eating spaghetti in front of me!

But that is my problem. Life is so simple and so beautiful, just one thing is missing: freedom. If your wife is being with some other people, soon she will come back to you enriched, with new insight. And she will find something in you she had never found before. And meanwhile, you need not just sit down in your chair and beat your head. You also gain experience, so that by the time your woman is back you are also new. You have also been to the Chinese restaurant. Life should be a joy, a rejoicing. And then only can there be friendship between men and women; otherwise, they are going to remain intimate enemies.



Related Osho Discourses:
Osho on what is Love
Osho Videos on Love
Osho discourse on Love - Am I in Love
Osho on Life in a marriage and its Problem
Osho - why do you ask people to get Married
What is Jealousy and why does it Hurt so much
I very much doubt my wife. What should I do
Forget Relationships and learn how to Relate
Osho on Commitment and Non-Attachment in Love
Osho on importance of Commitment in a Relationship
Osho on Relationship between Living Partners and Growth
Problems of Love - In my relationship I often lose my Self
Difficulty in relating with people, Relationship is not relating
Osho - Cannot one ever find a Perfect Partner in Marriage?
Osho - Before you can Love Yourself you have to know yourself
Osho on Aloneness - We are born alone, we live alone, and we die alone
First come to terms with one's Loneliness before entering into Relationship
Osho on hell of living with a woman and the hell of living without a woman
If love is destroyed in Marriage, how are we to Live if we wish to share love

^Top Back to Counseling

































Osho on Marriage and Friendship

Question : Why is it so difficult for men and women to be Friends? It Seems so ordinary, and turns out to be almost Impossible. Either there is an ugly compromise -- like man and wife -- Or else Passion that eventually turns into Hate. Why is There always ugliness between men and women?
Osho : It is very simple to understand. Marriage is the ugliest institution invented by man. It is not natural; it has been invented so that you can monopolize a woman. You have been treating women as if they were a piece of land, or some currency notes. You have reduced the woman to a thing. Remember that if you reduce any human being to a thing -- unaware, unconscious -- you are also being reduced to the same status; otherwise, you will not be able to communicate. If you can talk with a chair, you must be a chair.

Marriage is against nature. You can be certain only of this moment that is in your hands. All promises for tomorrow are lies -- and marriage is a promise for your whole life, that you will remain together, that you will love each other, that you will respect each other till your last breath. And these priests, who are the inventors of many ugly things, say to you that marriages are made in heaven. Nothing is made in heaven; there is no heaven. If you listen to nature, your problems, your questions will simply evaporate.

The problem is: biologically man is attracted to woman, women are attracted to men, but that attraction cannot remain the same forever. You are attracted to something which is a challenge to get. You see a beautiful man, a beautiful woman; you are attracted. Nothing is wrong in it. You feel your heart beating faster. You would like to be with this woman or man, and the attraction is so tremendous that in that moment you think you would like to live with this woman forever.

Lovers don't deceive each other, they are saying the truth -- but that truth belongs to the moment. When lovers say to each other, "I cannot live without you," it is not that he is deceiving or she is deceiving, they mean it. But they don't know the nature of life. Tomorrow this same woman will not look so beautiful. As days pass, the man and the woman both will feel that they are imprisoned. They have know each other's geography completely. First it was an unknown territory to be discovered, now there is nothing to be discovered.

And to go on repeating the same words and the same acts looks mechanical, ugly. That's why passion turns into hate. The woman hates you, because you are going to do the same thing again. To prevent you, the moment the husband enters the house she goes to bed, she has a headache. She wants somehow not to get into the same rut. And the man is flirting with his secretary in the office; now she is an unknown territory. To me, it is all nature. What is unnatural is binding people in the name of religion, in the name of God, for their whole life.

In a better, more intelligent world, people will love, but will not make any contracts. It is not a business! They will understand each other, and they will understand the changing flux of life. They will be true to each other. The moment the man feels that now his beloved holds no joy for him, he will say that the time has come to part. There is no need for marriage, there is no need for divorce. Then friendship will be possible. You ask me why friendship is not possible between men and women.... Friendship is not possible between the jailer and the imprisoned.

Friendship is possible between equal human beings, totally free from all bondage of society, culture, civilization, only living true to their authentic nature. It is not an insult to the woman to say, "Honey, the honeymoon is over." It is not an insult to the man if the woman says, "Now things cannot be beautiful. The wind that has blown is no longer there. The season has changed, it is no longer spring between us; no flowers blossom, no fragrance arises. It is time to part." And because there is no legal bondage of marriage, there is no question of any divorce.

It is ugly that the court and the law and the state interfere in your private life -- you have to ask their permission. Who are they? It is a question between two individuals, their private affair. There will be only friends -- no husbands, no wives. Of course, if there is only friendship, passion will never turn into hate. The moment you feel passion disappearing, you will say good-bye, and it will be understood. Even if it hurts, nothing can be done about it -- it is the way of life.

But man has created societies, cultures, civilizations, rules, regulations, and made the whole humanity unnatural. That's why men and women cannot be friends. And men and women either become husbands and wives -- which is something absolutely ugly; they start owning each other.... People are not things, you cannot have ownership. If I feel your wife is beautiful, and approach her, you are angry, you are ready to fight because I am approaching your property. No wife is anybody's property, no husband is anybody's property.

What kind of world have you created? People are reduced to properties; then there is jealousy, hatred. You yourself know that you are attracted to the neighbor's wife; naturally, you can guess about your wife too. Your wife knows perfectly well she is attracted to somebody else, but she cannot approach that person because of the husband: he is standing there with a gun! Love is bound to turn into hate, and for the whole life the hate goes on accumulating. And out of this hatred do you think beautiful children are going to be born?

They are not born out of love, but out of duty. It is the wife's duty to allow you to use her. To tell the truth, there is no difference between wives and prostitutes. The difference is just like the difference between having your own car or going in a taxi. A prostitute is purchased only for a few hours; wives are a long-term affair, it is economical. Royal families are not allowed to marry outside royal blood: status, money, power.... Nobody can love anybody in such circumstances, where the relationship is financial.

The woman is dependent on you because you earn. And for centuries men have not allowed women to be educated, to be in business, to have jobs, for the simple reason that if the woman has her own financial status, her own bank account, you cannot reduce her to a thing. She has to be dependent on you. And do you think anybody who has to be dependent on you will love you? Every woman wants to kill the husband. It is another matter that she does not kill him -- because if she kills him, what will she do?

She is not educated, she has no experience of the society, she has no way of earning. The husband -- every husband, I don't make any exceptions -- wants to get rid of the woman. But he cannot get rid of her. There are children, and he himself has promised the woman thousands of times that he loves her. When he goes to his job he kisses the woman; there is no love in it, just skeletons touching each other. Nobody is present. Man has created a society in which friendship between man and woman is impossible.

remember, friendship is so valuable that whatsoever the consequence, remain friends even with your wife, even with your husband, and allow absolute and total freedom to each other. I don't see any problem. If I love a woman, and one day she says that she has fallen in love with somebody else and feels very happy, I will be happy. I love her, and I would like her to be happy -- where is the problem? I will help her in every way so that she can be more happy. If she can be more happy with somebody else, what hurts me?

It is your ego that hurts: she has found somebody else who is better than you. It is not a question of better, it may be just your chauffeur -- it is just a question of a little change. And if you give full freedom to each other, perhaps you can remain together for your whole life, or for the whole eternity, because there is no need to get rid of each other. Marriage creates the need to get rid of each other, because it means freedom is taken away -- and freedom is the highest value in human life.

Make all the couples free, and you will be surprised, this very world becomes paradise. here are other problems. You have children -- what to do with children? My answer is that children should not belong to their parents, they should belong to the commune. Then there is no problem. The parents can meet the children, they can invite the children, they can be friends with their children; and yet the children are not dependent on them, they belong to the commune. And it will destroy many psychological problems.

If a boy knows only his mother, the mother's personality becomes an imprint on him. Now, his whole life he will be trying to find a woman who is like his mother -- and he will never find such a woman. A girl will never find another man who is exactly a copy of her father. Then you cannot be satisfied with any woman, any man. But if the children belong to the commune, they will come in contact with so many uncles and so many aunts -- they will not carry a single picture in their minds.

They will have a vague idea of womanhood or manhood, and to that idea, many people of the commune will have contributed; it will be multidimensional. There is a possibility of finding somebody, because you only have a vague idea. You can find somebody, and that person will make your vague idea solid, a reality. Right now you have a solid idea within you, and you meet a vague person. Sooner or later there is disappointment. And children belonging to the commune will learn much, will be more friendly, will be more available to all kinds of influences.

They will be richer. A child being brought up by a couple is very poor. He does not know that there are millions of people with different minds, different kinds of beauty. If a child moves in the commune, naturally he will be far richer. And he will have known so much before he decides to be with someone that there is a possibility of a long friendship. What happens now? You see a girl on the beach and you fall in love. You know nothing about the girl, you know only her make-up.

Tomorrow morning when you get up and the make-up is gone, you will say, "My God! What have I done? This is not the woman I married, this is someone else!" But you cannot go against your word either. And if you do, then the government is there, the courts are there to put you back into your right place. This is a very ugly situation, sick. People should be given freedom to know each other, to know as many people as possible, because each person is so unique, there is no question of comparison. Let the child drink from many sources, and he will have some insight into who is going to be the right person to live with.

Nobody will fall in love; everybody will decide consciously that "This is the one." He has known so many people, he understands that this is the one who has those characteristics, those qualities that he has loved. And then too it is only going to be a friendship. There is no fear; if tomorrow things change there is no harm. The society should not live in a routine way, in a fixed way -- static, dormant -- it should be a moving flux. One woman can give you a certain kind of joy, another woman can give you another kind of joy.

A third woman will be a surprise. So why remain poor"? -- just because Jesus has said, "Blessed are the poor"? Be richer in every dimension, and keep yourself open and available. And whoever you are with, let the other person understand clearly that "It is freedom between us, not a marriage license. Out of freedom we meet, with no promises for the future -- because who knows the future?"

When I was a student in the university in my final master's course, one girl was very much interested in me. She was a beautiful girl, but my interest was not in women at that time. I was crazy in search of God! After the examinations, when she was leaving the university.... She had waited -- I knew it -- she had waited and waited for me to approach her. That is the usual way, that the man approaches the woman; it is graceful for the woman not to approach the man.

Strange idea... I don't understand. Whoever approaches, it is graceful. If fact, whoever initiates is courageous. When we were leaving the university she said, "Now there is no chance." She took me aside and said, "For two years continuously I have been waiting. Can't we be together for our whole lives? I love you."

I said, "If you love me, then please leave me alone. I also love you, that's why I am leaving you alone -- because I know what has been happening in the name of love.

People are becoming imprisoned, chained; they lose all their joy, life becomes a drag. So this is my parting advice to you," I said, "Never try to cling to a person for your whole life." If two persons are willingly together today, it is more than enough. If tomorrow again they feel like being together, good. If they don't, it is their personal affair; nobody has to interfere. Up to now, the problem of the children has always been raised. My answer is that children should belong to the commune.

They can go to their parents, whether their parents are together or separate. And they should learn from their parents that love is no slavery, it is freedom. And they should move in the commune, tasting, enjoying different qualities of different people. So by the time they decide, their decision will be not just a foolish type of "falling in love"; it will be a very considered, contemplated, meditated phenomenon. There is a possibility they may remain together for their whole lives. In fact, if there is freedom, there is more possibility; more people will remain together.

If marriage disappears, divorce disappears automatically. This is a by-product of marriage. Nobody takes note of the simple fact: why for centuries have there been prostitutes? Who created them? Who is responsible for these poor women? It is the institution of marriage. You are bored with your wife; just for a change you go to a woman who is not going to be a bondage -- because one is enough, two will be too much. It is just a temporary, few hours' meeting. You can keep yourself lovely for a few hours, loving for a few hours.

She can keep herself lovely and loving for a few hours. And moreover, she has been paid for it. Around the world millions of women are reduced to selling their bodies. Who has done it? Your political leaders, your religious leaders. I consider these people criminals. And not ordinary criminals, because for centuries the whole humanity has been suffering because of these few idiots. But you have to start with yourself, there is no other way. If you love somebody, then freedom should be the connecting link between you.

And if you see your woman tomorrow hugging somebody else, there is no need to be jealous. She is being enriched, she is tasting a little newness -- just the way you go sometimes to a Chinese restaurant! It is good. You will come back to your own food, but the Chinese restaurant has helped you; you may relish your own food more. But after a few days, again -- that's how the mind is -- you are moving towards an Italian restaurant... spaghetti. I cannot even tolerate somebody eating spaghetti in front of me!

But that is my problem. Life is so simple and so beautiful, just one thing is missing: freedom. If your wife is being with some other people, soon she will come back to you enriched, with new insight. And she will find something in you she had never found before. And meanwhile, you need not just sit down in your chair and beat your head. You also gain experience, so that by the time your woman is back you are also new. You have also been to the Chinese restaurant. Life should be a joy, a rejoicing. And then only can there be friendship between men and women; otherwise, they are going to remain intimate enemies.



Related Osho Discourses:
Osho on what is Love
Osho Videos on Love
Osho discourse on Love - Am I in Love
Osho on Life in a marriage and its Problem
Osho - why do you ask people to get Married
What is Jealousy and why does it Hurt so much
I very much doubt my wife. What should I do
Forget Relationships and learn how to Relate
Osho on Commitment and Non-Attachment in Love
Osho on importance of Commitment in a Relationship
Osho on Relationship between Living Partners and Growth
Problems of Love - In my relationship I often lose my Self
Difficulty in relating with people, Relationship is not relating
Osho - Cannot one ever find a Perfect Partner in Marriage?
Osho - Before you can Love Yourself you have to know yourself
Osho on Aloneness - We are born alone, we live alone, and we die alone
First come to terms with one's Loneliness before entering into Relationship
Osho on hell of living with a woman and the hell of living without a woman
If love is destroyed in Marriage, how are we to Live if we wish to share love

^Top Back to Counseling

































Osho on Marriage and Friendship

Question : Why is it so difficult for men and women to be Friends? It Seems so ordinary, and turns out to be almost Impossible. Either there is an ugly compromise -- like man and wife -- Or else Passion that eventually turns into Hate. Why is There always ugliness between men and women?
Osho : It is very simple to understand. Marriage is the ugliest institution invented by man. It is not natural; it has been invented so that you can monopolize a woman. You have been treating women as if they were a piece of land, or some currency notes. You have reduced the woman to a thing. Remember that if you reduce any human being to a thing -- unaware, unconscious -- you are also being reduced to the same status; otherwise, you will not be able to communicate. If you can talk with a chair, you must be a chair.

Marriage is against nature. You can be certain only of this moment that is in your hands. All promises for tomorrow are lies -- and marriage is a promise for your whole life, that you will remain together, that you will love each other, that you will respect each other till your last breath. And these priests, who are the inventors of many ugly things, say to you that marriages are made in heaven. Nothing is made in heaven; there is no heaven. If you listen to nature, your problems, your questions will simply evaporate.

The problem is: biologically man is attracted to woman, women are attracted to men, but that attraction cannot remain the same forever. You are attracted to something which is a challenge to get. You see a beautiful man, a beautiful woman; you are attracted. Nothing is wrong in it. You feel your heart beating faster. You would like to be with this woman or man, and the attraction is so tremendous that in that moment you think you would like to live with this woman forever.

Lovers don't deceive each other, they are saying the truth -- but that truth belongs to the moment. When lovers say to each other, "I cannot live without you," it is not that he is deceiving or she is deceiving, they mean it. But they don't know the nature of life. Tomorrow this same woman will not look so beautiful. As days pass, the man and the woman both will feel that they are imprisoned. They have know each other's geography completely. First it was an unknown territory to be discovered, now there is nothing to be discovered.

And to go on repeating the same words and the same acts looks mechanical, ugly. That's why passion turns into hate. The woman hates you, because you are going to do the same thing again. To prevent you, the moment the husband enters the house she goes to bed, she has a headache. She wants somehow not to get into the same rut. And the man is flirting with his secretary in the office; now she is an unknown territory. To me, it is all nature. What is unnatural is binding people in the name of religion, in the name of God, for their whole life.

In a better, more intelligent world, people will love, but will not make any contracts. It is not a business! They will understand each other, and they will understand the changing flux of life. They will be true to each other. The moment the man feels that now his beloved holds no joy for him, he will say that the time has come to part. There is no need for marriage, there is no need for divorce. Then friendship will be possible. You ask me why friendship is not possible between men and women.... Friendship is not possible between the jailer and the imprisoned.

Friendship is possible between equal human beings, totally free from all bondage of society, culture, civilization, only living true to their authentic nature. It is not an insult to the woman to say, "Honey, the honeymoon is over." It is not an insult to the man if the woman says, "Now things cannot be beautiful. The wind that has blown is no longer there. The season has changed, it is no longer spring between us; no flowers blossom, no fragrance arises. It is time to part." And because there is no legal bondage of marriage, there is no question of any divorce.

It is ugly that the court and the law and the state interfere in your private life -- you have to ask their permission. Who are they? It is a question between two individuals, their private affair. There will be only friends -- no husbands, no wives. Of course, if there is only friendship, passion will never turn into hate. The moment you feel passion disappearing, you will say good-bye, and it will be understood. Even if it hurts, nothing can be done about it -- it is the way of life.

But man has created societies, cultures, civilizations, rules, regulations, and made the whole humanity unnatural. That's why men and women cannot be friends. And men and women either become husbands and wives -- which is something absolutely ugly; they start owning each other.... People are not things, you cannot have ownership. If I feel your wife is beautiful, and approach her, you are angry, you are ready to fight because I am approaching your property. No wife is anybody's property, no husband is anybody's property.

What kind of world have you created? People are reduced to properties; then there is jealousy, hatred. You yourself know that you are attracted to the neighbor's wife; naturally, you can guess about your wife too. Your wife knows perfectly well she is attracted to somebody else, but she cannot approach that person because of the husband: he is standing there with a gun! Love is bound to turn into hate, and for the whole life the hate goes on accumulating. And out of this hatred do you think beautiful children are going to be born?

They are not born out of love, but out of duty. It is the wife's duty to allow you to use her. To tell the truth, there is no difference between wives and prostitutes. The difference is just like the difference between having your own car or going in a taxi. A prostitute is purchased only for a few hours; wives are a long-term affair, it is economical. Royal families are not allowed to marry outside royal blood: status, money, power.... Nobody can love anybody in such circumstances, where the relationship is financial.

The woman is dependent on you because you earn. And for centuries men have not allowed women to be educated, to be in business, to have jobs, for the simple reason that if the woman has her own financial status, her own bank account, you cannot reduce her to a thing. She has to be dependent on you. And do you think anybody who has to be dependent on you will love you? Every woman wants to kill the husband. It is another matter that she does not kill him -- because if she kills him, what will she do?

She is not educated, she has no experience of the society, she has no way of earning. The husband -- every husband, I don't make any exceptions -- wants to get rid of the woman. But he cannot get rid of her. There are children, and he himself has promised the woman thousands of times that he loves her. When he goes to his job he kisses the woman; there is no love in it, just skeletons touching each other. Nobody is present. Man has created a society in which friendship between man and woman is impossible.

remember, friendship is so valuable that whatsoever the consequence, remain friends even with your wife, even with your husband, and allow absolute and total freedom to each other. I don't see any problem. If I love a woman, and one day she says that she has fallen in love with somebody else and feels very happy, I will be happy. I love her, and I would like her to be happy -- where is the problem? I will help her in every way so that she can be more happy. If she can be more happy with somebody else, what hurts me?

It is your ego that hurts: she has found somebody else who is better than you. It is not a question of better, it may be just your chauffeur -- it is just a question of a little change. And if you give full freedom to each other, perhaps you can remain together for your whole life, or for the whole eternity, because there is no need to get rid of each other. Marriage creates the need to get rid of each other, because it means freedom is taken away -- and freedom is the highest value in human life.

Make all the couples free, and you will be surprised, this very world becomes paradise. here are other problems. You have children -- what to do with children? My answer is that children should not belong to their parents, they should belong to the commune. Then there is no problem. The parents can meet the children, they can invite the children, they can be friends with their children; and yet the children are not dependent on them, they belong to the commune. And it will destroy many psychological problems.

If a boy knows only his mother, the mother's personality becomes an imprint on him. Now, his whole life he will be trying to find a woman who is like his mother -- and he will never find such a woman. A girl will never find another man who is exactly a copy of her father. Then you cannot be satisfied with any woman, any man. But if the children belong to the commune, they will come in contact with so many uncles and so many aunts -- they will not carry a single picture in their minds.

They will have a vague idea of womanhood or manhood, and to that idea, many people of the commune will have contributed; it will be multidimensional. There is a possibility of finding somebody, because you only have a vague idea. You can find somebody, and that person will make your vague idea solid, a reality. Right now you have a solid idea within you, and you meet a vague person. Sooner or later there is disappointment. And children belonging to the commune will learn much, will be more friendly, will be more available to all kinds of influences.

They will be richer. A child being brought up by a couple is very poor. He does not know that there are millions of people with different minds, different kinds of beauty. If a child moves in the commune, naturally he will be far richer. And he will have known so much before he decides to be with someone that there is a possibility of a long friendship. What happens now? You see a girl on the beach and you fall in love. You know nothing about the girl, you know only her make-up.

Tomorrow morning when you get up and the make-up is gone, you will say, "My God! What have I done? This is not the woman I married, this is someone else!" But you cannot go against your word either. And if you do, then the government is there, the courts are there to put you back into your right place. This is a very ugly situation, sick. People should be given freedom to know each other, to know as many people as possible, because each person is so unique, there is no question of comparison. Let the child drink from many sources, and he will have some insight into who is going to be the right person to live with.

Nobody will fall in love; everybody will decide consciously that "This is the one." He has known so many people, he understands that this is the one who has those characteristics, those qualities that he has loved. And then too it is only going to be a friendship. There is no fear; if tomorrow things change there is no harm. The society should not live in a routine way, in a fixed way -- static, dormant -- it should be a moving flux. One woman can give you a certain kind of joy, another woman can give you another kind of joy.

A third woman will be a surprise. So why remain poor"? -- just because Jesus has said, "Blessed are the poor"? Be richer in every dimension, and keep yourself open and available. And whoever you are with, let the other person understand clearly that "It is freedom between us, not a marriage license. Out of freedom we meet, with no promises for the future -- because who knows the future?"

When I was a student in the university in my final master's course, one girl was very much interested in me. She was a beautiful girl, but my interest was not in women at that time. I was crazy in search of God! After the examinations, when she was leaving the university.... She had waited -- I knew it -- she had waited and waited for me to approach her. That is the usual way, that the man approaches the woman; it is graceful for the woman not to approach the man.

Strange idea... I don't understand. Whoever approaches, it is graceful. If fact, whoever initiates is courageous. When we were leaving the university she said, "Now there is no chance." She took me aside and said, "For two years continuously I have been waiting. Can't we be together for our whole lives? I love you."

I said, "If you love me, then please leave me alone. I also love you, that's why I am leaving you alone -- because I know what has been happening in the name of love.

People are becoming imprisoned, chained; they lose all their joy, life becomes a drag. So this is my parting advice to you," I said, "Never try to cling to a person for your whole life." If two persons are willingly together today, it is more than enough. If tomorrow again they feel like being together, good. If they don't, it is their personal affair; nobody has to interfere. Up to now, the problem of the children has always been raised. My answer is that children should belong to the commune.

They can go to their parents, whether their parents are together or separate. And they should learn from their parents that love is no slavery, it is freedom. And they should move in the commune, tasting, enjoying different qualities of different people. So by the time they decide, their decision will be not just a foolish type of "falling in love"; it will be a very considered, contemplated, meditated phenomenon. There is a possibility they may remain together for their whole lives. In fact, if there is freedom, there is more possibility; more people will remain together.

If marriage disappears, divorce disappears automatically. This is a by-product of marriage. Nobody takes note of the simple fact: why for centuries have there been prostitutes? Who created them? Who is responsible for these poor women? It is the institution of marriage. You are bored with your wife; just for a change you go to a woman who is not going to be a bondage -- because one is enough, two will be too much. It is just a temporary, few hours' meeting. You can keep yourself lovely for a few hours, loving for a few hours.

She can keep herself lovely and loving for a few hours. And moreover, she has been paid for it. Around the world millions of women are reduced to selling their bodies. Who has done it? Your political leaders, your religious leaders. I consider these people criminals. And not ordinary criminals, because for centuries the whole humanity has been suffering because of these few idiots. But you have to start with yourself, there is no other way. If you love somebody, then freedom should be the connecting link between you.

And if you see your woman tomorrow hugging somebody else, there is no need to be jealous. She is being enriched, she is tasting a little newness -- just the way you go sometimes to a Chinese restaurant! It is good. You will come back to your own food, but the Chinese restaurant has helped you; you may relish your own food more. But after a few days, again -- that's how the mind is -- you are moving towards an Italian restaurant... spaghetti. I cannot even tolerate somebody eating spaghetti in front of me!

But that is my problem. Life is so simple and so beautiful, just one thing is missing: freedom. If your wife is being with some other people, soon she will come back to you enriched, with new insight. And she will find something in you she had never found before. And meanwhile, you need not just sit down in your chair and beat your head. You also gain experience, so that by the time your woman is back you are also new. You have also been to the Chinese restaurant. Life should be a joy, a rejoicing. And then only can there be friendship between men and women; otherwise, they are going to remain intimate enemies.



Related Osho Discourses:
Osho on what is Love
Osho Videos on Love
Osho discourse on Love - Am I in Love
Osho on Life in a marriage and its Problem
Osho - why do you ask people to get Married
What is Jealousy and why does it Hurt so much
I very much doubt my wife. What should I do
Forget Relationships and learn how to Relate
Osho on Commitment and Non-Attachment in Love
Osho on importance of Commitment in a Relationship
Osho on Relationship between Living Partners and Growth
Problems of Love - In my relationship I often lose my Self
Difficulty in relating with people, Relationship is not relating
Osho - Cannot one ever find a Perfect Partner in Marriage?
Osho - Before you can Love Yourself you have to know yourself
Osho on Aloneness - We are born alone, we live alone, and we die alone
First come to terms with one's Loneliness before entering into Relationship
Osho on hell of living with a woman and the hell of living without a woman
If love is destroyed in Marriage, how are we to Live if we wish to share love

^Top Back to Counseling

































Osho on Marriage and Friendship

Question : Why is it so difficult for men and women to be Friends? It Seems so ordinary, and turns out to be almost Impossible. Either there is an ugly compromise -- like man and wife -- Or else Passion that eventually turns into Hate. Why is There always ugliness between men and women?
Osho : It is very simple to understand. Marriage is the ugliest institution invented by man. It is not natural; it has been invented so that you can monopolize a woman. You have been treating women as if they were a piece of land, or some currency notes. You have reduced the woman to a thing. Remember that if you reduce any human being to a thing -- unaware, unconscious -- you are also being reduced to the same status; otherwise, you will not be able to communicate. If you can talk with a chair, you must be a chair.

Marriage is against nature. You can be certain only of this moment that is in your hands. All promises for tomorrow are lies -- and marriage is a promise for your whole life, that you will remain together, that you will love each other, that you will respect each other till your last breath. And these priests, who are the inventors of many ugly things, say to you that marriages are made in heaven. Nothing is made in heaven; there is no heaven. If you listen to nature, your problems, your questions will simply evaporate.

The problem is: biologically man is attracted to woman, women are attracted to men, but that attraction cannot remain the same forever. You are attracted to something which is a challenge to get. You see a beautiful man, a beautiful woman; you are attracted. Nothing is wrong in it. You feel your heart beating faster. You would like to be with this woman or man, and the attraction is so tremendous that in that moment you think you would like to live with this woman forever.

Lovers don't deceive each other, they are saying the truth -- but that truth belongs to the moment. When lovers say to each other, "I cannot live without you," it is not that he is deceiving or she is deceiving, they mean it. But they don't know the nature of life. Tomorrow this same woman will not look so beautiful. As days pass, the man and the woman both will feel that they are imprisoned. They have know each other's geography completely. First it was an unknown territory to be discovered, now there is nothing to be discovered.

And to go on repeating the same words and the same acts looks mechanical, ugly. That's why passion turns into hate. The woman hates you, because you are going to do the same thing again. To prevent you, the moment the husband enters the house she goes to bed, she has a headache. She wants somehow not to get into the same rut. And the man is flirting with his secretary in the office; now she is an unknown territory. To me, it is all nature. What is unnatural is binding people in the name of religion, in the name of God, for their whole life.

In a better, more intelligent world, people will love, but will not make any contracts. It is not a business! They will understand each other, and they will understand the changing flux of life. They will be true to each other. The moment the man feels that now his beloved holds no joy for him, he will say that the time has come to part. There is no need for marriage, there is no need for divorce. Then friendship will be possible. You ask me why friendship is not possible between men and women.... Friendship is not possible between the jailer and the imprisoned.

Friendship is possible between equal human beings, totally free from all bondage of society, culture, civilization, only living true to their authentic nature. It is not an insult to the woman to say, "Honey, the honeymoon is over." It is not an insult to the man if the woman says, "Now things cannot be beautiful. The wind that has blown is no longer there. The season has changed, it is no longer spring between us; no flowers blossom, no fragrance arises. It is time to part." And because there is no legal bondage of marriage, there is no question of any divorce.

It is ugly that the court and the law and the state interfere in your private life -- you have to ask their permission. Who are they? It is a question between two individuals, their private affair. There will be only friends -- no husbands, no wives. Of course, if there is only friendship, passion will never turn into hate. The moment you feel passion disappearing, you will say good-bye, and it will be understood. Even if it hurts, nothing can be done about it -- it is the way of life.

But man has created societies, cultures, civilizations, rules, regulations, and made the whole humanity unnatural. That's why men and women cannot be friends. And men and women either become husbands and wives -- which is something absolutely ugly; they start owning each other.... People are not things, you cannot have ownership. If I feel your wife is beautiful, and approach her, you are angry, you are ready to fight because I am approaching your property. No wife is anybody's property, no husband is anybody's property.

What kind of world have you created? People are reduced to properties; then there is jealousy, hatred. You yourself know that you are attracted to the neighbor's wife; naturally, you can guess about your wife too. Your wife knows perfectly well she is attracted to somebody else, but she cannot approach that person because of the husband: he is standing there with a gun! Love is bound to turn into hate, and for the whole life the hate goes on accumulating. And out of this hatred do you think beautiful children are going to be born?

They are not born out of love, but out of duty. It is the wife's duty to allow you to use her. To tell the truth, there is no difference between wives and prostitutes. The difference is just like the difference between having your own car or going in a taxi. A prostitute is purchased only for a few hours; wives are a long-term affair, it is economical. Royal families are not allowed to marry outside royal blood: status, money, power.... Nobody can love anybody in such circumstances, where the relationship is financial.

The woman is dependent on you because you earn. And for centuries men have not allowed women to be educated, to be in business, to have jobs, for the simple reason that if the woman has her own financial status, her own bank account, you cannot reduce her to a thing. She has to be dependent on you. And do you think anybody who has to be dependent on you will love you? Every woman wants to kill the husband. It is another matter that she does not kill him -- because if she kills him, what will she do?

She is not educated, she has no experience of the society, she has no way of earning. The husband -- every husband, I don't make any exceptions -- wants to get rid of the woman. But he cannot get rid of her. There are children, and he himself has promised the woman thousands of times that he loves her. When he goes to his job he kisses the woman; there is no love in it, just skeletons touching each other. Nobody is present. Man has created a society in which friendship between man and woman is impossible.

remember, friendship is so valuable that whatsoever the consequence, remain friends even with your wife, even with your husband, and allow absolute and total freedom to each other. I don't see any problem. If I love a woman, and one day she says that she has fallen in love with somebody else and feels very happy, I will be happy. I love her, and I would like her to be happy -- where is the problem? I will help her in every way so that she can be more happy. If she can be more happy with somebody else, what hurts me?

It is your ego that hurts: she has found somebody else who is better than you. It is not a question of better, it may be just your chauffeur -- it is just a question of a little change. And if you give full freedom to each other, perhaps you can remain together for your whole life, or for the whole eternity, because there is no need to get rid of each other. Marriage creates the need to get rid of each other, because it means freedom is taken away -- and freedom is the highest value in human life.

Make all the couples free, and you will be surprised, this very world becomes paradise. here are other problems. You have children -- what to do with children? My answer is that children should not belong to their parents, they should belong to the commune. Then there is no problem. The parents can meet the children, they can invite the children, they can be friends with their children; and yet the children are not dependent on them, they belong to the commune. And it will destroy many psychological problems.

If a boy knows only his mother, the mother's personality becomes an imprint on him. Now, his whole life he will be trying to find a woman who is like his mother -- and he will never find such a woman. A girl will never find another man who is exactly a copy of her father. Then you cannot be satisfied with any woman, any man. But if the children belong to the commune, they will come in contact with so many uncles and so many aunts -- they will not carry a single picture in their minds.

They will have a vague idea of womanhood or manhood, and to that idea, many people of the commune will have contributed; it will be multidimensional. There is a possibility of finding somebody, because you only have a vague idea. You can find somebody, and that person will make your vague idea solid, a reality. Right now you have a solid idea within you, and you meet a vague person. Sooner or later there is disappointment. And children belonging to the commune will learn much, will be more friendly, will be more available to all kinds of influences.

They will be richer. A child being brought up by a couple is very poor. He does not know that there are millions of people with different minds, different kinds of beauty. If a child moves in the commune, naturally he will be far richer. And he will have known so much before he decides to be with someone that there is a possibility of a long friendship. What happens now? You see a girl on the beach and you fall in love. You know nothing about the girl, you know only her make-up.

Tomorrow morning when you get up and the make-up is gone, you will say, "My God! What have I done? This is not the woman I married, this is someone else!" But you cannot go against your word either. And if you do, then the government is there, the courts are there to put you back into your right place. This is a very ugly situation, sick. People should be given freedom to know each other, to know as many people as possible, because each person is so unique, there is no question of comparison. Let the child drink from many sources, and he will have some insight into who is going to be the right person to live with.

Nobody will fall in love; everybody will decide consciously that "This is the one." He has known so many people, he understands that this is the one who has those characteristics, those qualities that he has loved. And then too it is only going to be a friendship. There is no fear; if tomorrow things change there is no harm. The society should not live in a routine way, in a fixed way -- static, dormant -- it should be a moving flux. One woman can give you a certain kind of joy, another woman can give you another kind of joy.

A third woman will be a surprise. So why remain poor"? -- just because Jesus has said, "Blessed are the poor"? Be richer in every dimension, and keep yourself open and available. And whoever you are with, let the other person understand clearly that "It is freedom between us, not a marriage license. Out of freedom we meet, with no promises for the future -- because who knows the future?"

When I was a student in the university in my final master's course, one girl was very much interested in me. She was a beautiful girl, but my interest was not in women at that time. I was crazy in search of God! After the examinations, when she was leaving the university.... She had waited -- I knew it -- she had waited and waited for me to approach her. That is the usual way, that the man approaches the woman; it is graceful for the woman not to approach the man.

Strange idea... I don't understand. Whoever approaches, it is graceful. If fact, whoever initiates is courageous. When we were leaving the university she said, "Now there is no chance." She took me aside and said, "For two years continuously I have been waiting. Can't we be together for our whole lives? I love you."

I said, "If you love me, then please leave me alone. I also love you, that's why I am leaving you alone -- because I know what has been happening in the name of love.

People are becoming imprisoned, chained; they lose all their joy, life becomes a drag. So this is my parting advice to you," I said, "Never try to cling to a person for your whole life." If two persons are willingly together today, it is more than enough. If tomorrow again they feel like being together, good. If they don't, it is their personal affair; nobody has to interfere. Up to now, the problem of the children has always been raised. My answer is that children should belong to the commune.

They can go to their parents, whether their parents are together or separate. And they should learn from their parents that love is no slavery, it is freedom. And they should move in the commune, tasting, enjoying different qualities of different people. So by the time they decide, their decision will be not just a foolish type of "falling in love"; it will be a very considered, contemplated, meditated phenomenon. There is a possibility they may remain together for their whole lives. In fact, if there is freedom, there is more possibility; more people will remain together.

If marriage disappears, divorce disappears automatically. This is a by-product of marriage. Nobody takes note of the simple fact: why for centuries have there been prostitutes? Who created them? Who is responsible for these poor women? It is the institution of marriage. You are bored with your wife; just for a change you go to a woman who is not going to be a bondage -- because one is enough, two will be too much. It is just a temporary, few hours' meeting. You can keep yourself lovely for a few hours, loving for a few hours.

She can keep herself lovely and loving for a few hours. And moreover, she has been paid for it. Around the world millions of women are reduced to selling their bodies. Who has done it? Your political leaders, your religious leaders. I consider these people criminals. And not ordinary criminals, because for centuries the whole humanity has been suffering because of these few idiots. But you have to start with yourself, there is no other way. If you love somebody, then freedom should be the connecting link between you.

And if you see your woman tomorrow hugging somebody else, there is no need to be jealous. She is being enriched, she is tasting a little newness -- just the way you go sometimes to a Chinese restaurant! It is good. You will come back to your own food, but the Chinese restaurant has helped you; you may relish your own food more. But after a few days, again -- that's how the mind is -- you are moving towards an Italian restaurant... spaghetti. I cannot even tolerate somebody eating spaghetti in front of me!

But that is my problem. Life is so simple and so beautiful, just one thing is missing: freedom. If your wife is being with some other people, soon she will come back to you enriched, with new insight. And she will find something in you she had never found before. And meanwhile, you need not just sit down in your chair and beat your head. You also gain experience, so that by the time your woman is back you are also new. You have also been to the Chinese restaurant. Life should be a joy, a rejoicing. And then only can there be friendship between men and women; otherwise, they are going to remain intimate enemies.



Related Osho Discourses:
Osho on what is Love
Osho Videos on Love
Osho discourse on Love - Am I in Love
Osho on Life in a marriage and its Problem
Osho - why do you ask people to get Married
What is Jealousy and why does it Hurt so much
I very much doubt my wife. What should I do
Forget Relationships and learn how to Relate
Osho on Commitment and Non-Attachment in Love
Osho on importance of Commitment in a Relationship
Osho on Relationship between Living Partners and Growth
Problems of Love - In my relationship I often lose my Self
Difficulty in relating with people, Relationship is not relating
Osho - Cannot one ever find a Perfect Partner in Marriage?
Osho - Before you can Love Yourself you have to know yourself
Osho on Aloneness - We are born alone, we live alone, and we die alone
First come to terms with one's Loneliness before entering into Relationship
Osho on hell of living with a woman and the hell of living without a woman
If love is destroyed in Marriage, how are we to Live if we wish to share love

^Top Back to Counseling

































Osho on Marriage and Friendship

Question : Why is it so difficult for men and women to be Friends? It Seems so ordinary, and turns out to be almost Impossible. Either there is an ugly compromise -- like man and wife -- Or else Passion that eventually turns into Hate. Why is There always ugliness between men and women?
Osho : It is very simple to understand. Marriage is the ugliest institution invented by man. It is not natural; it has been invented so that you can monopolize a woman. You have been treating women as if they were a piece of land, or some currency notes. You have reduced the woman to a thing. Remember that if you reduce any human being to a thing -- unaware, unconscious -- you are also being reduced to the same status; otherwise, you will not be able to communicate. If you can talk with a chair, you must be a chair.

Marriage is against nature. You can be certain only of this moment that is in your hands. All promises for tomorrow are lies -- and marriage is a promise for your whole life, that you will remain together, that you will love each other, that you will respect each other till your last breath. And these priests, who are the inventors of many ugly things, say to you that marriages are made in heaven. Nothing is made in heaven; there is no heaven. If you listen to nature, your problems, your questions will simply evaporate.

The problem is: biologically man is attracted to woman, women are attracted to men, but that attraction cannot remain the same forever. You are attracted to something which is a challenge to get. You see a beautiful man, a beautiful woman; you are attracted. Nothing is wrong in it. You feel your heart beating faster. You would like to be with this woman or man, and the attraction is so tremendous that in that moment you think you would like to live with this woman forever.

Lovers don't deceive each other, they are saying the truth -- but that truth belongs to the moment. When lovers say to each other, "I cannot live without you," it is not that he is deceiving or she is deceiving, they mean it. But they don't know the nature of life. Tomorrow this same woman will not look so beautiful. As days pass, the man and the woman both will feel that they are imprisoned. They have know each other's geography completely. First it was an unknown territory to be discovered, now there is nothing to be discovered.

And to go on repeating the same words and the same acts looks mechanical, ugly. That's why passion turns into hate. The woman hates you, because you are going to do the same thing again. To prevent you, the moment the husband enters the house she goes to bed, she has a headache. She wants somehow not to get into the same rut. And the man is flirting with his secretary in the office; now she is an unknown territory. To me, it is all nature. What is unnatural is binding people in the name of religion, in the name of God, for their whole life.

In a better, more intelligent world, people will love, but will not make any contracts. It is not a business! They will understand each other, and they will understand the changing flux of life. They will be true to each other. The moment the man feels that now his beloved holds no joy for him, he will say that the time has come to part. There is no need for marriage, there is no need for divorce. Then friendship will be possible. You ask me why friendship is not possible between men and women.... Friendship is not possible between the jailer and the imprisoned.

Friendship is possible between equal human beings, totally free from all bondage of society, culture, civilization, only living true to their authentic nature. It is not an insult to the woman to say, "Honey, the honeymoon is over." It is not an insult to the man if the woman says, "Now things cannot be beautiful. The wind that has blown is no longer there. The season has changed, it is no longer spring between us; no flowers blossom, no fragrance arises. It is time to part." And because there is no legal bondage of marriage, there is no question of any divorce.

It is ugly that the court and the law and the state interfere in your private life -- you have to ask their permission. Who are they? It is a question between two individuals, their private affair. There will be only friends -- no husbands, no wives. Of course, if there is only friendship, passion will never turn into hate. The moment you feel passion disappearing, you will say good-bye, and it will be understood. Even if it hurts, nothing can be done about it -- it is the way of life.

But man has created societies, cultures, civilizations, rules, regulations, and made the whole humanity unnatural. That's why men and women cannot be friends. And men and women either become husbands and wives -- which is something absolutely ugly; they start owning each other.... People are not things, you cannot have ownership. If I feel your wife is beautiful, and approach her, you are angry, you are ready to fight because I am approaching your property. No wife is anybody's property, no husband is anybody's property.

What kind of world have you created? People are reduced to properties; then there is jealousy, hatred. You yourself know that you are attracted to the neighbor's wife; naturally, you can guess about your wife too. Your wife knows perfectly well she is attracted to somebody else, but she cannot approach that person because of the husband: he is standing there with a gun! Love is bound to turn into hate, and for the whole life the hate goes on accumulating. And out of this hatred do you think beautiful children are going to be born?

They are not born out of love, but out of duty. It is the wife's duty to allow you to use her. To tell the truth, there is no difference between wives and prostitutes. The difference is just like the difference between having your own car or going in a taxi. A prostitute is purchased only for a few hours; wives are a long-term affair, it is economical. Royal families are not allowed to marry outside royal blood: status, money, power.... Nobody can love anybody in such circumstances, where the relationship is financial.

The woman is dependent on you because you earn. And for centuries men have not allowed women to be educated, to be in business, to have jobs, for the simple reason that if the woman has her own financial status, her own bank account, you cannot reduce her to a thing. She has to be dependent on you. And do you think anybody who has to be dependent on you will love you? Every woman wants to kill the husband. It is another matter that she does not kill him -- because if she kills him, what will she do?

She is not educated, she has no experience of the society, she has no way of earning. The husband -- every husband, I don't make any exceptions -- wants to get rid of the woman. But he cannot get rid of her. There are children, and he himself has promised the woman thousands of times that he loves her. When he goes to his job he kisses the woman; there is no love in it, just skeletons touching each other. Nobody is present. Man has created a society in which friendship between man and woman is impossible.

remember, friendship is so valuable that whatsoever the consequence, remain friends even with your wife, even with your husband, and allow absolute and total freedom to each other. I don't see any problem. If I love a woman, and one day she says that she has fallen in love with somebody else and feels very happy, I will be happy. I love her, and I would like her to be happy -- where is the problem? I will help her in every way so that she can be more happy. If she can be more happy with somebody else, what hurts me?

It is your ego that hurts: she has found somebody else who is better than you. It is not a question of better, it may be just your chauffeur -- it is just a question of a little change. And if you give full freedom to each other, perhaps you can remain together for your whole life, or for the whole eternity, because there is no need to get rid of each other. Marriage creates the need to get rid of each other, because it means freedom is taken away -- and freedom is the highest value in human life.

Make all the couples free, and you will be surprised, this very world becomes paradise. here are other problems. You have children -- what to do with children? My answer is that children should not belong to their parents, they should belong to the commune. Then there is no problem. The parents can meet the children, they can invite the children, they can be friends with their children; and yet the children are not dependent on them, they belong to the commune. And it will destroy many psychological problems.

If a boy knows only his mother, the mother's personality becomes an imprint on him. Now, his whole life he will be trying to find a woman who is like his mother -- and he will never find such a woman. A girl will never find another man who is exactly a copy of her father. Then you cannot be satisfied with any woman, any man. But if the children belong to the commune, they will come in contact with so many uncles and so many aunts -- they will not carry a single picture in their minds.

They will have a vague idea of womanhood or manhood, and to that idea, many people of the commune will have contributed; it will be multidimensional. There is a possibility of finding somebody, because you only have a vague idea. You can find somebody, and that person will make your vague idea solid, a reality. Right now you have a solid idea within you, and you meet a vague person. Sooner or later there is disappointment. And children belonging to the commune will learn much, will be more friendly, will be more available to all kinds of influences.

They will be richer. A child being brought up by a couple is very poor. He does not know that there are millions of people with different minds, different kinds of beauty. If a child moves in the commune, naturally he will be far richer. And he will have known so much before he decides to be with someone that there is a possibility of a long friendship. What happens now? You see a girl on the beach and you fall in love. You know nothing about the girl, you know only her make-up.

Tomorrow morning when you get up and the make-up is gone, you will say, "My God! What have I done? This is not the woman I married, this is someone else!" But you cannot go against your word either. And if you do, then the government is there, the courts are there to put you back into your right place. This is a very ugly situation, sick. People should be given freedom to know each other, to know as many people as possible, because each person is so unique, there is no question of comparison. Let the child drink from many sources, and he will have some insight into who is going to be the right person to live with.

Nobody will fall in love; everybody will decide consciously that "This is the one." He has known so many people, he understands that this is the one who has those characteristics, those qualities that he has loved. And then too it is only going to be a friendship. There is no fear; if tomorrow things change there is no harm. The society should not live in a routine way, in a fixed way -- static, dormant -- it should be a moving flux. One woman can give you a certain kind of joy, another woman can give you another kind of joy.

A third woman will be a surprise. So why remain poor"? -- just because Jesus has said, "Blessed are the poor"? Be richer in every dimension, and keep yourself open and available. And whoever you are with, let the other person understand clearly that "It is freedom between us, not a marriage license. Out of freedom we meet, with no promises for the future -- because who knows the future?"

When I was a student in the university in my final master's course, one girl was very much interested in me. She was a beautiful girl, but my interest was not in women at that time. I was crazy in search of God! After the examinations, when she was leaving the university.... She had waited -- I knew it -- she had waited and waited for me to approach her. That is the usual way, that the man approaches the woman; it is graceful for the woman not to approach the man.

Strange idea... I don't understand. Whoever approaches, it is graceful. If fact, whoever initiates is courageous. When we were leaving the university she said, "Now there is no chance." She took me aside and said, "For two years continuously I have been waiting. Can't we be together for our whole lives? I love you."

I said, "If you love me, then please leave me alone. I also love you, that's why I am leaving you alone -- because I know what has been happening in the name of love.

People are becoming imprisoned, chained; they lose all their joy, life becomes a drag. So this is my parting advice to you," I said, "Never try to cling to a person for your whole life." If two persons are willingly together today, it is more than enough. If tomorrow again they feel like being together, good. If they don't, it is their personal affair; nobody has to interfere. Up to now, the problem of the children has always been raised. My answer is that children should belong to the commune.

They can go to their parents, whether their parents are together or separate. And they should learn from their parents that love is no slavery, it is freedom. And they should move in the commune, tasting, enjoying different qualities of different people. So by the time they decide, their decision will be not just a foolish type of "falling in love"; it will be a very considered, contemplated, meditated phenomenon. There is a possibility they may remain together for their whole lives. In fact, if there is freedom, there is more possibility; more people will remain together.

If marriage disappears, divorce disappears automatically. This is a by-product of marriage. Nobody takes note of the simple fact: why for centuries have there been prostitutes? Who created them? Who is responsible for these poor women? It is the institution of marriage. You are bored with your wife; just for a change you go to a woman who is not going to be a bondage -- because one is enough, two will be too much. It is just a temporary, few hours' meeting. You can keep yourself lovely for a few hours, loving for a few hours.

She can keep herself lovely and loving for a few hours. And moreover, she has been paid for it. Around the world millions of women are reduced to selling their bodies. Who has done it? Your political leaders, your religious leaders. I consider these people criminals. And not ordinary criminals, because for centuries the whole humanity has been suffering because of these few idiots. But you have to start with yourself, there is no other way. If you love somebody, then freedom should be the connecting link between you.

And if you see your woman tomorrow hugging somebody else, there is no need to be jealous. She is being enriched, she is tasting a little newness -- just the way you go sometimes to a Chinese restaurant! It is good. You will come back to your own food, but the Chinese restaurant has helped you; you may relish your own food more. But after a few days, again -- that's how the mind is -- you are moving towards an Italian restaurant... spaghetti. I cannot even tolerate somebody eating spaghetti in front of me!

But that is my problem. Life is so simple and so beautiful, just one thing is missing: freedom. If your wife is being with some other people, soon she will come back to you enriched, with new insight. And she will find something in you she had never found before. And meanwhile, you need not just sit down in your chair and beat your head. You also gain experience, so that by the time your woman is back you are also new. You have also been to the Chinese restaurant. Life should be a joy, a rejoicing. And then only can there be friendship between men and women; otherwise, they are going to remain intimate enemies.



Related Osho Discourses:
Osho on what is Love
Osho Videos on Love
Osho discourse on Love - Am I in Love
Osho on Life in a marriage and its Problem
Osho - why do you ask people to get Married
What is Jealousy and why does it Hurt so much
I very much doubt my wife. What should I do
Forget Relationships and learn how to Relate
Osho on Commitment and Non-Attachment in Love
Osho on importance of Commitment in a Relationship
Osho on Relationship between Living Partners and Growth
Problems of Love - In my relationship I often lose my Self
Difficulty in relating with people, Relationship is not relating
Osho - Cannot one ever find a Perfect Partner in Marriage?
Osho - Before you can Love Yourself you have to know yourself
Osho on Aloneness - We are born alone, we live alone, and we die alone
First come to terms with one's Loneliness before entering into Relationship
Osho on hell of living with a woman and the hell of living without a woman
If love is destroyed in Marriage, how are we to Live if we wish to share love

^Top Back to Counseling

































sho on Marriage and Friendship

Question : Why is it so difficult for men and women to be Friends? It Seems so ordinary, and turns out to be almost Impossible. Either there is an ugly compromise -- like man and wife -- Or else Passion that eventually turns into Hate. Why is There always ugliness between men and women?
Osho : It is very simple to understand. Marriage is the ugliest institution invented by man. It is not natural; it has been invented so that you can monopolize a woman. You have been treating women as if they were a piece of land, or some currency notes. You have reduced the woman to a thing. Remember that if you reduce any human being to a thing -- unaware, unconscious -- you are also being reduced to the same status; otherwise, you will not be able to communicate. If you can talk with a chair, you must be a chair.

Marriage is against nature. You can be certain only of this moment that is in your hands. All promises for tomorrow are lies -- and marriage is a promise for your whole life, that you will remain together, that you will love each other, that you will respect each other till your last breath. And these priests, who are the inventors of many ugly things, say to you that marriages are made in heaven. Nothing is made in heaven; there is no heaven. If you listen to nature, your problems, your questions will simply evaporate.

The problem is: biologically man is attracted to woman, women are attracted to men, but that attraction cannot remain the same forever. You are attracted to something which is a challenge to get. You see a beautiful man, a beautiful woman; you are attracted. Nothing is wrong in it. You feel your heart beating faster. You would like to be with this woman or man, and the attraction is so tremendous that in that moment you think you would like to live with this woman forever.

Lovers don't deceive each other, they are saying the truth -- but that truth belongs to the moment. When lovers say to each other, "I cannot live without you," it is not that he is deceiving or she is deceiving, they mean it. But they don't know the nature of life. Tomorrow this same woman will not look so beautiful. As days pass, the man and the woman both will feel that they are imprisoned. They have know each other's geography completely. First it was an unknown territory to be discovered, now there is nothing to be discovered.

And to go on repeating the same words and the same acts looks mechanical, ugly. That's why passion turns into hate. The woman hates you, because you are going to do the same thing again. To prevent you, the moment the husband enters the house she goes to bed, she has a headache. She wants somehow not to get into the same rut. And the man is flirting with his secretary in the office; now she is an unknown territory. To me, it is all nature. What is unnatural is binding people in the name of religion, in the name of God, for their whole life.

In a better, more intelligent world, people will love, but will not make any contracts. It is not a business! They will understand each other, and they will understand the changing flux of life. They will be true to each other. The moment the man feels that now his beloved holds no joy for him, he will say that the time has come to part. There is no need for marriage, there is no need for divorce. Then friendship will be possible. You ask me why friendship is not possible between men and women.... Friendship is not possible between the jailer and the imprisoned.

Friendship is possible between equal human beings, totally free from all bondage of society, culture, civilization, only living true to their authentic nature. It is not an insult to the woman to say, "Honey, the honeymoon is over." It is not an insult to the man if the woman says, "Now things cannot be beautiful. The wind that has blown is no longer there. The season has changed, it is no longer spring between us; no flowers blossom, no fragrance arises. It is time to part." And because there is no legal bondage of marriage, there is no question of any divorce.

It is ugly that the court and the law and the state interfere in your private life -- you have to ask their permission. Who are they? It is a question between two individuals, their private affair. There will be only friends -- no husbands, no wives. Of course, if there is only friendship, passion will never turn into hate. The moment you feel passion disappearing, you will say good-bye, and it will be understood. Even if it hurts, nothing can be done about it -- it is the way of life.

But man has created societies, cultures, civilizations, rules, regulations, and made the whole humanity unnatural. That's why men and women cannot be friends. And men and women either become husbands and wives -- which is something absolutely ugly; they start owning each other.... People are not things, you cannot have ownership. If I feel your wife is beautiful, and approach her, you are angry, you are ready to fight because I am approaching your property. No wife is anybody's property, no husband is anybody's property.

What kind of world have you created? People are reduced to properties; then there is jealousy, hatred. You yourself know that you are attracted to the neighbor's wife; naturally, you can guess about your wife too. Your wife knows perfectly well she is attracted to somebody else, but she cannot approach that person because of the husband: he is standing there with a gun! Love is bound to turn into hate, and for the whole life the hate goes on accumulating. And out of this hatred do you think beautiful children are going to be born?

They are not born out of love, but out of duty. It is the wife's duty to allow you to use her. To tell the truth, there is no difference between wives and prostitutes. The difference is just like the difference between having your own car or going in a taxi. A prostitute is purchased only for a few hours; wives are a long-term affair, it is economical. Royal families are not allowed to marry outside royal blood: status, money, power.... Nobody can love anybody in such circumstances, where the relationship is financial.

The woman is dependent on you because you earn. And for centuries men have not allowed women to be educated, to be in business, to have jobs, for the simple reason that if the woman has her own financial status, her own bank account, you cannot reduce her to a thing. She has to be dependent on you. And do you think anybody who has to be dependent on you will love you? Every woman wants to kill the husband. It is another matter that she does not kill him -- because if she kills him, what will she do?

She is not educated, she has no experience of the society, she has no way of earning. The husband -- every husband, I don't make any exceptions -- wants to get rid of the woman. But he cannot get rid of her. There are children, and he himself has promised the woman thousands of times that he loves her. When he goes to his job he kisses the woman; there is no love in it, just skeletons touching each other. Nobody is present. Man has created a society in which friendship between man and woman is impossible.

remember, friendship is so valuable that whatsoever the consequence, remain friends even with your wife, even with your husband, and allow absolute and total freedom to each other. I don't see any problem. If I love a woman, and one day she says that she has fallen in love with somebody else and feels very happy, I will be happy. I love her, and I would like her to be happy -- where is the problem? I will help her in every way so that she can be more happy. If she can be more happy with somebody else, what hurts me?

It is your ego that hurts: she has found somebody else who is better than you. It is not a question of better, it may be just your chauffeur -- it is just a question of a little change. And if you give full freedom to each other, perhaps you can remain together for your whole life, or for the whole eternity, because there is no need to get rid of each other. Marriage creates the need to get rid of each other, because it means freedom is taken away -- and freedom is the highest value in human life.

Make all the couples free, and you will be surprised, this very world becomes paradise. here are other problems. You have children -- what to do with children? My answer is that children should not belong to their parents, they should belong to the commune. Then there is no problem. The parents can meet the children, they can invite the children, they can be friends with their children; and yet the children are not dependent on them, they belong to the commune. And it will destroy many psychological problems.

If a boy knows only his mother, the mother's personality becomes an imprint on him. Now, his whole life he will be trying to find a woman who is like his mother -- and he will never find such a woman. A girl will never find another man who is exactly a copy of her father. Then you cannot be satisfied with any woman, any man. But if the children belong to the commune, they will come in contact with so many uncles and so many aunts -- they will not carry a single picture in their minds.

They will have a vague idea of womanhood or manhood, and to that idea, many people of the commune will have contributed; it will be multidimensional. There is a possibility of finding somebody, because you only have a vague idea. You can find somebody, and that person will make your vague idea solid, a reality. Right now you have a solid idea within you, and you meet a vague person. Sooner or later there is disappointment. And children belonging to the commune will learn much, will be more friendly, will be more available to all kinds of influences.

They will be richer. A child being brought up by a couple is very poor. He does not know that there are millions of people with different minds, different kinds of beauty. If a child moves in the commune, naturally he will be far richer. And he will have known so much before he decides to be with someone that there is a possibility of a long friendship. What happens now? You see a girl on the beach and you fall in love. You know nothing about the girl, you know only her make-up.

Tomorrow morning when you get up and the make-up is gone, you will say, "My God! What have I done? This is not the woman I married, this is someone else!" But you cannot go against your word either. And if you do, then the government is there, the courts are there to put you back into your right place. This is a very ugly situation, sick. People should be given freedom to know each other, to know as many people as possible, because each person is so unique, there is no question of comparison. Let the child drink from many sources, and he will have some insight into who is going to be the right person to live with.

Nobody will fall in love; everybody will decide consciously that "This is the one." He has known so many people, he understands that this is the one who has those characteristics, those qualities that he has loved. And then too it is only going to be a friendship. There is no fear; if tomorrow things change there is no harm. The society should not live in a routine way, in a fixed way -- static, dormant -- it should be a moving flux. One woman can give you a certain kind of joy, another woman can give you another kind of joy.

A third woman will be a surprise. So why remain poor"? -- just because Jesus has said, "Blessed are the poor"? Be richer in every dimension, and keep yourself open and available. And whoever you are with, let the other person understand clearly that "It is freedom between us, not a marriage license. Out of freedom we meet, with no promises for the future -- because who knows the future?"

When I was a student in the university in my final master's course, one girl was very much interested in me. She was a beautiful girl, but my interest was not in women at that time. I was crazy in search of God! After the examinations, when she was leaving the university.... She had waited -- I knew it -- she had waited and waited for me to approach her. That is the usual way, that the man approaches the woman; it is graceful for the woman not to approach the man.

Strange idea... I don't understand. Whoever approaches, it is graceful. If fact, whoever initiates is courageous. When we were leaving the university she said, "Now there is no chance." She took me aside and said, "For two years continuously I have been waiting. Can't we be together for our whole lives? I love you."

I said, "If you love me, then please leave me alone. I also love you, that's why I am leaving you alone -- because I know what has been happening in the name of love.

People are becoming imprisoned, chained; they lose all their joy, life becomes a drag. So this is my parting advice to you," I said, "Never try to cling to a person for your whole life." If two persons are willingly together today, it is more than enough. If tomorrow again they feel like being together, good. If they don't, it is their personal affair; nobody has to interfere. Up to now, the problem of the children has always been raised. My answer is that children should belong to the commune.

They can go to their parents, whether their parents are together or separate. And they should learn from their parents that love is no slavery, it is freedom. And they should move in the commune, tasting, enjoying different qualities of different people. So by the time they decide, their decision will be not just a foolish type of "falling in love"; it will be a very considered, contemplated, meditated phenomenon. There is a possibility they may remain together for their whole lives. In fact, if there is freedom, there is more possibility; more people will remain together.

If marriage disappears, divorce disappears automatically. This is a by-product of marriage. Nobody takes note of the simple fact: why for centuries have there been prostitutes? Who created them? Who is responsible for these poor women? It is the institution of marriage. You are bored with your wife; just for a change you go to a woman who is not going to be a bondage -- because one is enough, two will be too much. It is just a temporary, few hours' meeting. You can keep yourself lovely for a few hours, loving for a few hours.

She can keep herself lovely and loving for a few hours. And moreover, she has been paid for it. Around the world millions of women are reduced to selling their bodies. Who has done it? Your political leaders, your religious leaders. I consider these people criminals. And not ordinary criminals, because for centuries the whole humanity has been suffering because of these few idiots. But you have to start with yourself, there is no other way. If you love somebody, then freedom should be the connecting link between you.

And if you see your woman tomorrow hugging somebody else, there is no need to be jealous. She is being enriched, she is tasting a little newness -- just the way you go sometimes to a Chinese restaurant! It is good. You will come back to your own food, but the Chinese restaurant has helped you; you may relish your own food more. But after a few days, again -- that's how the mind is -- you are moving towards an Italian restaurant... spaghetti. I cannot even tolerate somebody eating spaghetti in front of me!

But that is my problem. Life is so simple and so beautiful, just one thing is missing: freedom. If your wife is being with some other people, soon she will come back to you enriched, with new insight. And she will find something in you she had never found before. And meanwhile, you need not just sit down in your chair and beat your head. You also gain experience, so that by the time your woman is back you are also new. You have also been to the Chinese restaurant. Life should be a joy, a rejoicing. And then only can there be friendship between men and women; otherwise, they are going to remain intimate enemies.

Osho on Relationships and Living Partners

Osho on Relationships and Living Partners

Question: Would you talk to us about our living partners -- our Wives, husbands and lovers. When should we persevere with a partner, and when Should we abandon a relationship as hopeless -- or even Destructive?

Osho : Relationship is one of the mysteries. And because it exists between two persons, it depends on both. Whenever two persons meet, a new world is created. Just by their meeting, a new phenomenon comes into existence -- which was not before, which never existed before. And through that new phenomenon, both persons are changed and transformed. Unrelated, you are one thing; related, immediately you become something else. A new thing has happened. A woman when she becomes a lover is no longer the same woman.

A man when he becomes a father is no longer the same man. A child is born, but we miss one point completely; the moment the child is born, the mother is also born. This never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother never. And a mother is something absolutely new. Relationship is created by you, but then, in its turn, relationship creates you. Two persons meet, that means two worlds meet. It is not a simple thing but very complex, the most complex.

Each person is a world unto himself or herself, a complex mystery with a long past and an eternal future. In the beginning only peripheries meet. But if the relationship grows intimate, becomes closer, becomes deeper, then by and by centers start meeting. When centers meet, it is called love. When peripheries meet, it is acquaintance. You touch the person from the without, just from the boundary, then it is acquaintance. Many times you start calling your acquaintance your love. Then you are in a fallacy. Acquaintance is not love.

Love is very rare. To meet a person at his center is to pass through a revolution yourself, because if you want to meet a person at his center, you will have to allow that person to reach to your center also. You will have to become vulnerable, absolutely vulnerable, open. It is risky. To allow somebody to reach your center is risky, dangerous, because you never know what that person will do to you. And once all your secrets are known, once your hiddenness has become unhidden, once you are exposed completely, what that other person will do, you never know. The fear is there. That's why we never open.

Just acquaintance, and we think that love has happened. Peripheries meet, and we think we have met. You are not your periphery. Really, the periphery is the boundary where you end, just the fencing around you. It is not you! The periphery is the place where you end and the world begins. Even husbands and wives who may have lived together for many years may be just acquaintances. They may not have known each other. And the more you live with someone, the more you forget completely that the centers have remained unknown.

So the first thing to be understood is: don't take acquaintance as love. You may be making love, you may be sexually related, but sex is also peripheral. Unless centers meet, sex is just a meeting of two bodies. And a meeting of two bodies is not your meeting. Sex also remains acquaintance --physical, bodily, but still acquaintance. You can allow somebody to enter to your center only when you are not afraid, when you are not fearful. So I say to you that there are two types of living. One: fear-oriented; one: love-oriented.

Fear-oriented living can never lead you into deep relationship. You remain afraid, and the other cannot be allowed, cannot be allowed to penetrate you to your very core. To an extent you allow the other and then the wall comes and everything stops. The love-oriented person is the religious person. The love-oriented person means one who is not afraid of the future, one who is not afraid of the result and the consequence, who lives here and now. Don't be bothered about the result. That is the fear-oriented mind. Don't think about what will happen out of it.

Just be here, and act totally. Don't calculate. A fear-oriented man is always calculating, planning, arranging, safeguarding. His whole life is lost in this way.

I have heard about an old Zen monk. He was on his deathbed. The last day had come, and he declared that that evening he would be no more. So followers, disciples, friends started coming. He had many lovers. They all started coming. From far and wide people gathered. One of his old disciples, when he heard that the master was going to die, ran to the market.

Somebody asked: The master is dying in his hut, why are you going to the market?
The old disciple said: I know that my master loves a particular type of cake, so Iam going to purchase the cake.

It was difficult to find the cake, because now it had gone out of fashion, but by the evening somehow he managed. He came running with the cake. And everybody was worried -- it was as if the master was waiting for someone. He would open his eyes and look, and close his eyes again.

And when this disciple came, he said: Okay, so you have come. Where is the cake? The disciple produced the cake -- and he was very happy that the master asked about the cake. Dying, the master took the cake in his hand, but his hand was not trembling. He was very old, but his hand was not trembling. So somebody asked: You are so old and just on the verge of dying. The last breath is soon to leave you, but your hand is not trembling.

The master said: I never tremble, because there is no fear. My body has become old, but I am still young, and I will remain young even when the body is gone. Then he took a bite, started munching the cake. And then somebody asked: What is your last message, Master? You will be leaving us soon. What do you want us to remember?

The master smiled and said: Ah, this cake is delicious.

This is a man who lives in the here and now: This cake is delicious. Even death is irrelevant. The next moment is meaningless. THIS moment this cake is delicious. If you can be in this moment, this present moment, this presentness, the plenitude, then only can you love.

Love is a rare flowering. It happens only sometimes. Millions and millions of people live in the false attitude that they are lovers. They believe that they love, but that is their belief only. Love is a rare flowering. Sometimes it happens. It is rare because it can happen only when there is no fear, never before. That means love can happen only to a very deeply spiritual, religious person. Sex is possible for all. Acquaintance is possible for all. Not love. When you are not afraid, then there is nothing to hide, then you can be open, then you can withdraw all boundaries. And then you can invite the other to penetrate you to the very core.

And remember, if you allow somebody to penetrate you deeply, the other will allow you to penetrate into himself or herself, because when you allow somebody to penetrate you, trust is created. When you are not afraid, the other becomes fearless. In your love, fear is always there. The husband is afraid of the wife, the wife is afraid of the husband. Lovers are always afraid. Then it is not love. Then it is just an arrangement of two fearful persons depending on each other, fighting, exploiting, manipulating, controlling, dominating, possessing -- but it is not love.

If you can allow love to happen, there is no need for prayer, there is no need for meditation, there is no need for any church, any temple. You can completely forget God if you can love -- because through love, everything will have happened to you: meditation, prayer, God. EVERYTHING will have happened to you. That's what Jesus means when he says: Love is God. But love is difficult. Fear has to be dropped. And this is the strange thing, that you are so afraid and you have nothing to lose.

Kabir has said somewhere: I look into people. They are so much afraid, but I can't see why -- because they have nothing to lose. Says Kabir: They are like a person who is naked, but never goes to take a bath in the river because he is afraid -- where will he dry his clothes? This is the situation you are in -- naked, with no clothes, but always afraid about the clothes. What have you got to lose? Nothing. This body will be taken by death. Before it is taken by death, give it to love. Whatsoever you have will be taken away.

Before it is taken away, why not share it? That is the Only way of possessing it. If you can share and give, you are the master. It is going to be taken away. There is nothing which you can retain forever. Death will destroy everything. So, if you follow me rightly, the struggle is between death and love. If you can give, there will be no death. Before anything can be taken away from you, you will have already given it, you will have made it a gift. There can be no death. For a lover there is no death.

For a non-lover, every moment is a death, because every moment something is being snatched away from him. The body is disappearing, he is losing every moment. And then there will be death, and everything will be annihilated. What is the fear? Why are you so afraid? Even if everything is known about you and you are an open book, why fear? How can it harm you? Just false conceptions, just conditionings given by the society, that you have to hide, that you have to protect yourself, that you have to be constantly in a fighting mood, that everybody is an enemy, that everybody is against you.

Nobody is against you! Even if you feel somebody is against you, he too is not against you -- because everybody is concerned with himself, not with you. There is nothing to fear. This has to be realized before a real relationship can happen. There is nothing to fear. Meditate on it. And then allow the other to enter you, invite the other to enter you. Don't create any barrier anywhere, become a passage always open, no locks, no doors on you, no closed doors on you. Then love is possible.



When two centers meet, there is love. And love is an alchemical phenomenon -- just like hydrogen and oxygen meet and a new thing, water, is created. You can have hydrogen, you can have oxygen, but if you are thirsty, they will be useless. You can have as much oxygen as you want, as much hydrogen as you like, but the thirst will not go. When two centers meet a new thing is created. That new thing is love. And it is just like water, the thirst of many, many lives is satisfied. Suddenly you become content. That is the visible sign of love; you become content, as if you have achieved everything. There is nothing to achieve now; You have reached the goal.

There is no further goal, destiny is fulfilled. The seed has become a flower, has come to its total flowering. Deep contentment is the visible sign of love. Whenever a person is in love, he is in deep contentment. Love cannot be seen, but contentment, the deep satisfaction around him...his every breath, his every movement, his very being -- content. You may be surprised when I say to you that love makes you desireless, but desire is with discontent. You desire because you don't have. You desire because you think if you have something it will give you contentment.

Desire is out of discontent. When there is love and two centers have met and dissolved and merged, and a new alchemical quality is born, contentment is there. It is as if the whole existence has stopped -- no movement. Then the present moment is the only moment. And then you can say: Ah, this cake is delicious. Even death doesn't mean anything to a man who is in love. So I say to you, love will make you desireless. Be fearless, drop fears, be open. Allow some center to meet the center within you. you will be reborn through it, a new quality of being will be created.

This quality of being says: This is god. God is not an argument, it is a fulfillment, a feeling of fulfillment. You may have observed that whenever you are discontent, you want to deny God. Whenever you are dissatisfied, your whole being wants to say: There is no God. Atheism is not out of logic, it is out of discontent. You may rationalize it -- that's another thing. You may not say you are an atheist because you are discontent. You may say: There is no God and I have got proofs. But that is not the true thing.

If you are satisfied, suddenly your whole being says: THERE is god. Suddenly you feel it! The whole existence becomes divine. If love is there you will be really for the first time in the feeling that existence is divine and everything is a blessing. But much has to be done before this can happen. Much has to be destroyed before this can happen. You have to destroy all that creates barriers in you.

Make love a SADHANA, an inner discipline. Don't allow it just to be a frivolous thing. Don't allow it just to be an occupation of the mind. Don't allow it just to be a bodily satisfaction. Make it an inner search, and take the other as a help, as a friend. If you have heard anything about Tantra, you will know that Tantra says: If you can find a consort, a friend, a woman or a man, who is ready to move with you towards the inner center, who is ready to move with you to the highest peak of relationship, then this relationship will become meditative.

Then through this relationship you will achieve the ultimate relationship. Then the other becomes just a door. Let me explain it: if you love a person, by and by first the periphery of the person disappears, the form of the person disappears. You come more and more in contact with the formless, the inner. The form becomes, by and by, vague and disappears. And if you go deeper, then even this formless individual starts disappearing and melting. Then the beyond opens. Then that particular individual was just a door, an opening.

And through your lover, you find the divine. Because we cannot love, we need so many religious rituals. They are substitutes, and very poor substitutes. A Meera needs no temple to go to. The whole existence is her temple. She can dance before a tree and the tree becomes Krishna. She can sing before a bird and the bird becomes Krishna. She creates her Krishna around her everywhere. Her love is such that wherever she looks the door opens and the Krishna is revealed, the beloved is revealed.

But the first glimpse will always come through an individual. It is difficult to be in contact with the universal. It is so big, so vast, so beginningless, endless. From where to start? From where to move into it? The individual is the door. Fall in love. And don't make it a struggle. Make it a deep allowance for the other, just an invitation. And allow the other to penetrate you without any conditions. And suddenly the other disappears and God is there. If your lover or beloved cannot become divine, then nothing in this world can become divine. Then all your religious talk is just nonsense. This can happen with a child. This can happen with an animal, your dog.

If you can be in deep relationship with a dog, it can happen -- the dog becomes divine! So it is not a question of man and woman only. That is one of the deepest sources of the divine and it reaches you naturally, but it can happen from anywhere. The basic key is this: you should allow the other to penetrate you to your very deepest core, to the very ground of your being. But we go on deceiving ourselves. We think we love. And if you think that you love, then there is no possibility for love to happen -- because if this is love, then everything is closed.

Make fresh efforts. Try to find in the other the real being that is hidden. Don't take anybody for granted. Every individual is such a mystery that if you go on and on into him it is endless. But we get bored with the other -- because just the periphery, and always the periphery. I was reading a story: A man was very ill and he tried all types of "pathies," but nothing would help. Then he went to a hypnotist and the hypnotist gave him a mantra, to repeat continuously: I am not ill.

For at least fifteen minutes in the morning and fifteen minutes at night: I am not ill, I am healthy. And the whole day, whenever you remember, repeat it. Within a few days he started getting better. And within weeks he was absolutely okay. Then he told his wife: This has been a miracle! Should I go to this hypnotist for another miracle also? Because lately I am feeling no sexual appetite and the sexual relationship has almost stopped. There is no desire.

The wife was happy. She said: You go -- because she was feeling very frustrated. The man went to the hypnotist. He came back, his wife asked: What mantra, what suggestion now has he given? The man wouldn't tell her. But within weeks his sexual appetite started returning. He started feeling desire again. So the wife was very much puzzled.

She continuously persisted in asking, but the man would laugh and would not say anything. So one day she tried, when he was in the bathroom in the morning doing his meditation, that fifteen-minute mantra, she tried to hear what he was saying. And he was saying: She is not my wife. She is not my wife. She is not my wife.

We take persons for granted. Somebody is your wife -- relationship is finished. Somebody is your husband -- relationship is finished. Now there is no adventure, the other has become a thing, a commodity. The other is not now a mystery to be searched the other is no longer new.

Remember, everything goes dead with age. The periphery is always old, and the center is always new. The periphery cannot remain new, because every moment it is getting old, stale. The center is always fresh and young. Your soul is neither a child, nor a young man, nor an old man. Your soul is simply eternally fresh. It has no age. You can experiment with it: you may be young, you may be old, just close your eyes and find out. Try to feel how your center is -- old? young? You will feel that the center is neither.

It is always new, it never gets old. Why? Because the center doesn't belong to time. In the process of time, everything becomes old. A man is born -- the body has started becoming old already! When we say that a child is one week old, it means one week of oldness has penetrated into the child. The child has already passed seven days towards death, he has completed seven days of dying. He is moving towards death -- sooner or later he will be dead. Whatsoever comes in time becomes old. The moment it enters time, it is already becoming old.

Your body is old, your periphery is old. You cannot be eternally in love with it. But your center is always fresh, it is eternally young. Once you are in contact with it, love is an every-moment discovery. And then the honeymoon never ends. If it ends it was not a honeymoon at all -- it was just an acquaintance. And the last thing to remember is: in the relationship of love you always blame the other if something goes wrong. If something is not happening as it should, the other is responsible. This will destroy the whole possibility of future growth.

Remember: you are always responsible, and change yourself. Drop those qualities which create trouble. Make love a self-transformation. As they say in salesmen's courses: The customer is always right. I would like to say to you: In the world of relationship and love, you are always in the wrong, the other is always right. And this is how lovers always feel. If there is love, they always feel: Something is wrong with me if things are not happening as they should. And both feel the same way! Then things grow, then centers open, then boundaries merge.

But if you think that the other is wrong, you are closing yourself and the other. And the other also thinks that you are wrong. Thoughts are infectious. If you think the other is wrong even if you have not said it, even if you are smiling and showing that you don't think the other is wrong -- the other has got the point -- through your eyes, through your gestures, through your face. Even if you are an actor, a great actor, and you can just arrange your face, your gestures as you like, then too the unconscious is continuously sending signals: You are wrong.

And when you say that the other is wrong, the other starts feeling that you are wrong. Relationship is destroyed on this rock, and then people become closed. If you say somebody is wrong, somebody starts protecting, safeguarding. Then closure happens.

Remember always: in love, you are always wrong. And then the possibility will open and the other will also feel the same. We create the feeling in the other. When lovers are close, immediately thoughts go jumping from one to the other. Even if they are not saying anything, they are silent, they communicate. Language is for non-lovers, those who are not in love. For lovers, silence is enough language. Without saying anything, they go on speaking. If you take love as sadhana, then don't say the other is wrong.

Just try to find out: somewhere, something must be wrong in you, and drop that wrongness. It is going to be difficult because it is going to be against the ego. It is going to be difficult because it will hurt your pride. It is going to be difficult because this will not be dominating, possessing. You will not be more powerful through possessing the other. This will destroy your ego -- that's why it is going to be difficult.

But destruction of the ego is the point, the goal. From wherever you like to approach the inner world -- from love, from meditation, from yoga, from prayer -- whatsoever the path you choose, the goal is the same: the destruction of the ego, throwing the ego away. Through love it can be done very easily. And it is so natural! Love is the natural religion.

Osho on Love - What does Love Mean ?

Question - Beloved Master, What does Love mean?

Osho - Prem Jyoti, love has different meanings for all. To writers, love is words. To artists, love is color. To a comic, love is laughter. To a baby, it is mother. To bees, it's nectar. To flowers, it is sunshine. And to cows, it is a lot of bull.

It all depends on you what love is going to mean. Love is a ladder with many rungs. At the lowest it is physiology, biology, chemistry. It is nothing but a play of hormones. A man is attracted towards a woman, a woman is attracted towards a man. They think they are falling in love, but if hormones could laugh they must be laughing inside you -- you are befooled. What you are calling love is nothing but attraction between male and female hormones. It is pure chemistry; at the lowest point it is not more than that. It is animal, it is lust.

And millions of people know only love at its lowest. Because of these people there has arisen a great tradition of renouncing love. The people who think that lust is love have created great religions in which love has to be renounced. Both are wrong, because both have accepted the lowest rung as if it is the all. It is not so. If you go a little higher, a man's love for music is not chemistry, it is not hormonal, it is not physiology; it is psychological. A man's love for flowers cannot be reduced to sexuality. A man's love for painting... there have been painters who have sacrificed their whole lives just to paint.





Vincent van Gogh, one of the greatest painters, sacrificed himself totally just to paint: painting was far more important than life itself. Because of the painting he could not work; he was continuously painting so there was no time to work. His brother used to give him just enough money to live by, because nobody was interested in his being a painter. And he was a strange painter too, a very great genius. Whenever there is a genius it takes hundreds of years to recognize him. He was not a traditional painter. He was bringing to painting something new, a new vision.

So nobody was able to appreciate his paintings, they were not selling. You will be surprised to know that not even a single painting was sold while Van Gogh was alive; now each of his paintings is worth millions of dollars. Only a few paintings have survived, two hundred at the most -- he painted thousands. All are lost, because nobody cared to preserve them.

He used to give his paintings to friends just free, because nobody was interested in his paintings; not only were they not interested, they were not even courageous enough to put his paintings in their sitting rooms because people would laugh at them. His approach towards life and nature was so new. His brother used to give him enough money weekly just to live on. He would eat for only three days in the week; four days he would save money to paint. Now how long can you live in this way?

By the time he was thirty-seven, only thirty-seven, he committed suicide. And the note that he has left is of tremendous significance. He has written that "I am committing suicide not against anybody -- I have no complaint against anybody or life -- life has been a great fulfillment to me. I am committing suicide because all that I wanted to paint I have painted; now there is no point in living. I have done what I had come to do; my work is finished."

He wanted to paint the sun in all its possible faces. For one year he was continuously painting the sun. He was continuously standing in the open under the sun. His stomach was empty, he was hungry, and the hot sun... and he was continuously painting because there was not much time left. The sun drove him mad, it was too much. And then he committed suicide, because he had painted the sun from the sunrise to the sunset, all the faces, all the colors, all possible clouds. He had done his work. He died contentedly.

Now, this love for painting, this love for art, is something higher -- higher than biology, higher than chemistry, higher than physiology. It is not lust, you can't call it lust. It is as passionate as lust or more so, because very few people die for a woman and very few people die for a man. But this man died for his paintings. This is psychological; this is far better.

But there is still a higher state: the spiritual love, the love of a Buddha, the love of a Jesus, the love of a Krishna. It is totally different. It is not even aesthetic, psychological; it is spiritual. Now love has the expression of compassion -- passion has turned into compassion. Buddha loves the whole of existence, because he has too much and he has to share it. He is burdened by the love released in him; the love has to be shared with the trees, with the birds, with people, with animals, with whosoever comes by.

At the lowest when love is just lust, physiological, it is an exploitation of the other, it is using the other as a means. Soon it is finished. Once you have exploited the woman or the man you lose interest; the interest was only for the moment. The moment the woman is well-known to you you are finished with her. You have used the other human being as a means -- which is ugly, which is immoral. To use another human being as a means is the most immoral act in existence, because each human being is an end unto himself.

Psychological love knows how to sacrifice. The art, the poetry, the painting, the music, the dance, becomes the end, they are no more means. YOU become a means. The biological love reduces the other to a means; the psychological love raises the other as the end.

But in the spiritual world there is no question of means and ends, there is no question of the other; there are not two. Buddha loves the existence because Buddha has become the existence itself. There is no question of 'I' and 'thou'; it is not a dialogue. At the point of the ultimate consciousness love is not a dialogue; there is no I/thou relationship, it is not a relationship. It is pure overflowing of love.

Prem Jyoti, that is the meaning of your name: PREM means love, JYOTI means flame. A buddha is a flame of love, just pure flame with no smoke. The smoke comes from lust. When there is no lust, when you don't want to get anything out of your love, when you simply want to give, when you feel obliged because others accept your love, the flame is without smoke. It is pure, it is pure gold.

And do you know? -- love rises always upwards, just like the flame always rises upwards. The flame never goes downwards. Lust is like water, it goes downwards; love is like a flame, fire, it always goes upwards. And between the two is the psychological phenomenon: something of lust in it, passion, and something of compassion in it. It is just in the middle. It has some quality of the lower and some quality of the higher to it.

Hence when the poet is in his poetic mood he is almost like the mystic, but it is only a question of mood. When he is not in his poetic mood he is just as ordinary or maybe more ordinary than the so-called ordinary people. You may have observed it: when a musician drowns himself in his music he rises to such peaks, such ephemeral peaks, that you can feel the presence of great mystery. And the same musician you can see sitting in some hotel drinking tea, talking all kinds of nonsense. He looks too ordinary; you cannot believe that this man was creating such beautiful music, such celestial music!

If you read the poetry, the poet seems to be like a seer, a Kahlil Gibran. If you read THE PROPHET it is almost like a prophet, but if you meet Kahlil Gibran and see him in his ordinary moods you will be surprised: he is a very angry person, jealous, quarrelsome. He goes into very childish tantrums, throws things, is very possessive. If you meet Kahlil Gibran you will be surprised... how could this man write a book like THE PROPHET? -- because the book rises to the same heights as the Bible, as the Koran.

But the man is not abiding on those heights; only once in a while clouds are not there and the poet can see the sun, the ocean, can see the open sky and can give you a glimpse of it in his poetry, in his music. But soon the clouds are there again and the sun is no longer available... and the poet is as ordinary as you are or even more ordinary, because when you fall from a glimpse you fall into depths, just to keep balance.

So you can find a poet drunk, lying down in the gutter like a dog, shouting nonsense, and the same poet brings such beautiful flowers from the unknown. So in the middle both things will be together; it is a mixed phenomenon. Rise from the lower, but don't stop in the middle. Go on rising to the highest.

When I talk about love I always mean the highest, with one difference: when others speak of the highest they deny the lowest; I don't deny it, I accept it. I want to use it as a stepping-stone. The lower has to be purified by the higher. The lower has to be transformed by the higher, not denied, not rejected. If you reject it, it persists. If you reject it, if you repress it, it takes revenge. It makes you more ugly than you ever were before.

A woman with a baby, next in line in the crowded anteroom of a station of the Infant Welfare Society, was shown into the doctor's office by the nurse in charge.
The doctor examined the baby, and then asked the woman, "Is he breast-fed or bottle-fed?"
"Breast-fed," she replied.
"Strip down to you waist," he ordered. She did, and he examined her. He pressed each breast, increasing and decreasing pressure. He squeezed and pulled on each nipple. Suddenly he remarked, "No wonder this child is suffering from malnutrition -- you don't have any milk."
"Naturally," she replied. "I am his aunt. But I'm glad I came."

If you go on repressing things, then on the surface you may look like a saint, but only on the surface. It is better to be a sinner on the surface and a saint in the center than vice versa.

The old maid was walking down a dimly lit street when a holdup man jumped out of the bushes. "Give me your money!" he demanded.
"I don't have any," she managed to reply.
He proceeded to search her thoroughly. Every possible place of concealment was explored.
"I guess you were telling me the truth," he finally muttered angrily. "You don't have any money on you."
"For heaven's sake," she wailed, "don't stop now! I'll write you a check!"

I am not in favor of repressing the lower. The lower has to be raised to the heights, the lower has to be given wings. With insight, with understanding, it is possible. If you deny the lower you will never be able to reach the higher, because the lower rung is a necessary step. Yes, go beyond it, but you can go beyond it only if you don't reject it. Use it, but remember not to become obsessed with it. These two things have to be remembered: one is, not to be obsessed with it, not to stop at it, and the second is, not to reject and deny it but to use it as a stepping-stone.

Be skillful. Buddha's word is UPAYA -- skill. And when he says "upaya," he means be very artful in transforming your life. It is only a potential, a seed, but it can become a great tree and it can blossom in its own time. And when a tree blossoms, when thousands of flowers have arisen on the tree branches, there is great joy in the being of the tree, great ecstasy.

You are also a seed -- become a tree. The seed may be ugly -- seeds almost always are; the roots may be ugly, but remember, it is on the roots that the tree has to grow. The roots have to be used; without roots there will be no flowering. Without physiological attraction there will be no psychological growth. And without psychological love affairs with art, music, sculpture, there is no possibility of spiritual love. Poets and painters and dancers and musicians are a necessary step towards becoming a buddha.

Source - Osho Book "The Dhammapada Vol 6"

OSHO DISCOURSE ON LOVE

Osho discourse on Love

Question : What is Love?
Osho : It depends. There are as many loves as there are people. Love is a hierarchy, from the lowest rung to the highest, from sex to superconsciousness. There are many many layers, many planes of love. It all depends on you. If you are existing on the lowest rung, you will have a totally different idea of love than the person who is existing on the highest rung. Adolf Hitler will have one idea of love, Gautam Buddha another; and they will be diametrically opposite, because they are at two extremes.

At the lowest, love is a kind of politics, power politics. Wherever love is contaminated by the idea of domination, it is politics. Whether you call it politics or not is not the question, it is political. And millions of people never know anything about love except this politics -- the politics that exists between husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends. It is politics, the whole thing is political: you want to dominate the other, you enjoy domination. And love is nothing but politics sugar-coated, a bitter pill sugar-coated.

You talk about love but the deep desire is to exploit the other. And I am not saying that you are doing it deliberately or consciously. People are falling in love with horses, dogs, animals, machines, things. Why? Because to be in love with human beings has become an utter hell, a continuous conflict -- nagging, always at each other's throats. This is the lowest form of love. Nothing is wrong with it if you can use it as a steppingstone , if you can use it as a meditation.

If you can watch it, if you try to understand it, in that very understanding you will reach another rung, you will start moving upwards. Only at the highest peak, when love is not a relationship any more, when love becomes a state of your being, the lotus opens totally and great perfume is released -- but only at the highest peak. At its lowest, love is just a political relationship. At its highest, love is a religious state of consciousness. I love you too, Buddha loves, Jesus loves, but their love demands nothing in return.

Their love is given for the sheer joy of giving it; it is not a bargain. Hence the radiant beauty of it, hence the transcendental beauty of it. It surpasses all the joys that you have known. When I talk about love, I am talking about love as a state. It is unaddressed: you don't love this person or that person, you simply love. You are love. Rather than saying that you love somebody, it will be better to say you are love. So whosoever is capable of
partaking, can partake.

Whosoever is capable of drinking out of your infinite sources of being, you are available -- you are available unconditionally. That is possible only if love becomes more and more meditative. `Medicine' and `meditation' come from the same root. Love as you know it is a kind of disease: it needs the medicine of meditation. If it passes through meditation, it is purified. And the more purified it is, the more ecstatic.

Nancy was having coffee with Helen.
Nancy asked, "How do you know your husband loves you?"
"He takes out the garbage every morning."
"That's not love. That's good housekeeping."
"My husband gives me all the spending money I need."
"That's not love. That's generosity."
"My husband never looks at other women."
"That's not love. That's poor vision."
"John always opens the door for me."
"That's not love. That's good manners."
"John kisses me even when I've eaten garlic and I have curlers in my hair."
"Now, that's love."

Everybody has their own idea of love. And only when you come to the state where all ideas about love have disappeared, where love is no more an idea but simply your being, then only will you know its freedom. Then love is God. Then love is the ultimate truth. Let your love move through the process of meditation. Watch it: watch the cunning ways of your mind, watch your power-politics. And nothing else except continuous watching and observing is going to help.

When you say something to your woman or your man, look at it: what is the unconscious motive? Why are you saying it? Is there some motive? Then what is it? Be conscious of that motive, bring it to consciousness -- because this is one of the secret keys for transforming your life: anything that becomes conscious disappears. Your motives remain unconscious, that's why you remain in their grip. Make them conscious, bring them to light, and they will disappear.

It is as if you pull up a tree and bring the roots to the sunlight: they will die, they can exist only in the darkness of the soil. Your motives also exist only in the darkness of your unconsciousness. So the only way to transform your love is to bring all the motivations from the unconscious into the conscious. Slowly slowly, those motives will die. And when love is unmotivated, then love is the greatest thing that can ever happen to anybody. Then love is something of the ultimate, of the beyond.

That is the meaning when Jesus says, "God is love." I say to you: Love is God. God can be forgotten, but don't forget love -- because it is the purification of love that will bring you to God. If you forget about God completely, nothing is lost. But don't forget love, because love is the bridge. Love is the process of alchemical change in your consciousness.

Fundamental Aloneness

We cannot run away from ourselves. There is no way--you are you.And the aloneness is so fundamental that there is no way to escape it.



The more you try to escape from aloneness, the lonelier you will feel.If you start accepting aloneness, if you start being in love with it, ifyou start enjoying it, then all loneliness will disappear. And then aloneness has beauty, tremendous beauty.



We are made alone. That aloneness is our freedom. And it is not against love. In fact, only a person who is alone and knows how to be alone will be able to love. This is the paradox of love: That only the person who is alone can love, and only the person who loves becomes alone. They come together. So if you are not capable of being alone,you will not be capable of being in love either. Then all your so-called love will be just an escape from yourself. It will not be real love, it willnot be real relating. Who will relate with whom? You have not even related with yourself; how can you relate with the other? You are not there-who is going to relate with others? So a false kind of love exists in the world: You are trying to escape from yourself, the other is trying to escape from herself or himself, and you are both seeking shelter in each other. It is a mutual deception. The first thing is to know one's celibacy,one's fundamental celibacy--to know that our aloneness is our very individuality. Function from that aloneness. Even your love has to function from that base. Then you will be able to love.



OSHO

TRUST - A TIBETAN STORY

A Tibetan, by the name Marpa, who was searching, once heard about a master. He went to him,surrendered and trusted the master totally.

"What am I supposed to do now ? Marpa asked the master.

The master said, "Once you have surrendered to me, you are not supposed to do any thing.Just believe in me. My name is the only secret mantra for you. Whenever, you are in trouble or difficulty, just remember my name and every thing would be all alright."

Marpa touched the feet of the master and tried it immediately, he was a simple man - he walked on the river. Other disciples who were with the master for years could not believe that Marpa was walking on water ! They immediately reported the matter to the master.

"What ?" master surprised.

Master and all ran towards the river. Unbelievable ! Marpa was actually walking on water singing song, and dancing. On his coming to the sore, master asked "What is the secret ?"

Marpa said, "What is secret ?" It is the same secret you have given to me - your name. I remembered you. I said, "Master allow me to walk on water," and it happened.

The master would not believe that his name could do this. He himself could not walk on water. But who knows....he had never tried. He thought it would been better to check a few more things before he himself tried, so he said to Marpa " Can you jump from that cliff ?"


Marpa said "whatever you say " He went up on the hill and jumped from the cliff. To the utter surprise of all, he came down smiling, sitting in a lotus posture , landed just near a tree without scratch and sat down there. Surprising. Miracle. Unbelievable.

Master said "This is something. You used my name ?"

Marpa said, "It was your name"

Master said, "This is enough, now I am going to try," and with the first step in water, the master sank.

Marpa could not believe when master sank. Immediately master was pulled out...water taken out of his lungs...some how he survived...

Marpa said , "what is the matter ?"

Master said, "You must forgive me. I am no master, I am just a pretender."

But Marpa said, "If you are a pretender, then how did your named work ?"

The pretender said, "My name has not worked, it is your trust. It does not matter who you trust - it is the trust, the love, the totality of it. I don't trust myself. I don't trust anybody. I cheated everybody - how can I trust ? And I am always afraid to be cheated by others, because I am cheating. Trust is impossible for me. You are an innocent man, you trusted me . It is because of your trust that miracles have happened.

Effects of Mental Stress On The Body

Effects Of Mental Stress On The Body

We are all somewhat aware about the effects of mental stress on the body. But, when one becomes emotionally disturbed, why is organic illness in the body not seen immediately? This is because if organic illness followed every emotional disturbance, we would become alert and pay great attention to our thoughts, feelings, attitude, etc. Rather, the organic illness by itself would have taught us the great lesson of the need to retain emotional balance. In fact, our body has a large amount of reserve capacity. For example, our heart possesses four to six times more capacity than the minimum required. Thus only when the capacity of the heart is reduced four to six times below normal do we suffer heart failure. Likewise, a good surgeon can remove twelve feet of the small intestine out of the twenty-two feet of its normal length without harming digestion. In the same way, he can remove one kidney without reducing the normal performance. Our bone marrow can increase the production of red blood cells almost seven times its normal capacity whenever required. The fact is, then, every emotional disturbance does cause negative changes in the body and reduces the attacked organ's reserve capacity. But only when all of our organic reserve is depleted do we suffer from visible organic diseases (clinical cases). The process of depletion of reserve capacity may take many years before clinical cases are seen. In this way, psychological stress acts as a slow poison, harming the body very gradually.

Stress Management

Stress Management

There are some false beliefs about stress that we have acquired:
"A diet change, a little exercise and a good break from work will banish stress"

Truth: Diets, exercise, and holidays may relieve some of the symptoms temporarily, but they will not provide a cure. That's not to say a healthy diet and exercise are not important, they are, but they will not free you from stress. Nowadays in every local park you will find thousands of track-suited runners, faces lined in pain, sweat pouring out of breathless bodies, all in the name of balance and relaxation. And relaxation is achieved, because after two miles they are absolutely exhausted. Relaxation is not exhaustion or fatigue. Relaxation is the ability to relax your mind anywhere, anytime, and know that your body will follow.

Going on holiday in the 21st century may still be an adventure; it is still a change of scene, people, food and climate. And change can still (sometimes) be as good as a rest. But now you know that you don't need to go anywhere to rest, relax your mind and replenish your heart. Now you know that wherever you go, you will still be with yourself when you arrive. And what you think, feel and do there is likely to be exactly what you think, feel and do wherever you are now. So your thinking and feeling is what you need to change.

BENEFITS OF MEDITATION - JUST TRY ONCE

* All the physical and mental ailments are totally erased and total health is assured * Mind becomes free from all stresses and strains and mental peace is assured * Enhancement of intellect is possible * Memory power increases abnormally * Self-confidence increases * Self-control is naturally attained * Self-satisfaction is possible * Third eye gets activated * Astral travel is done consciously * The purpose of life is better understood * And finally one get enlightenment i.e. Buddhahood...

ANAPANASATI MEDITATION

Close your eyes and relax your body......take all the time you need to get comfortable ...shift muscles ......stretch and relax.....make sure your spine and neck are straight and aligned...not held stiffly...There is no stiffness here ...just comfort the beginning of calm...there is no hurry now...there is nothing else to do...or think about...just relax...

Notice your breath...
inhale slowly....
Exhale slowly...
Let your breath sink in and out..
Your breath is rhythm of calm...
Follow your breath...
Be still..
Be your breath...
Use your mind to follow your breath...
In......out....in....out...
That is all...
Be your breath...
Be your breath...

Be still.....be still.....be still...

Kindness Pays - A True Story

KINDNESS PAYS- TRUE STORY
One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way
through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry. He
decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve
when a lovely young woman opened the door. Instead of a meal he asked for a
drink of water. She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of
milk. He drank it slowly, and then asked, "How much do I owe you?"
"You don't owe me anything," she replied. "Mother has taught us never to
accept payment for a kindness."
He said, "Then I thank you from my heart."

As Howard Kelly left that house,
he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong
also. He had been ready to give up and quit.
Years later that young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were
baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists
to study her rare disease. Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation.
When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his
eyes.
Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room.
Dressed in his doctor's gown he went in to see her. He recognized her at once.
He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her
life. From that day he gave special attention to the case.

After a long struggle, the battle was won. Dr. Kelly requested the business
office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, and then
wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to
open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all.
Finally, she looked, and something caught her attention on the side as she read
these words...
"Paid in full with one glass of milk. (Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly."
Tears of
joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: "Thank You, GOD, that your love
has spread abroad through human hearts and hands."

Amazing Foodscapes Art

Posted on October 14, 2010 by Jaspal
Amazing Foodscapes Art : Landscapes Created with Eatables by Carl Warner (19 pics)

British photographer Carl Warner creates amazing foodscapes: landscapes constructed entirely from fruits and vegetables, cheeses, breads, fish, meat and grains. At first glance the landscapes look real, and it is only on second glance that the viewer realises that the scenes are made entirely out of food. A book of his work, entitled Carl Warner’s Food Landscapes, is published by Abrams and is available at all good book stores and via Amazon

The Chocolate Express is pictured at St Pancras International Station to mark the launch of his book “Carl Warner’s Food Landscapes”. The Chocolate Express is a a real-life landscape constructed entirely out of chocolate, that Carl has crafted specially for the launch

…Featuring a chocolate locomotive that would have once graced the Barlow Shed, The Chocolate Express will journey from the station to Chocolate Unwrapped for Chocolate Week (16/17th October) and then to the New York Chocolate Show. Picture: Ally Carmichael

Often compared to a modern day Guiseppe Arcimboldo, Carl Warner offers visitors to St Pancras International a very different way of getting their five a day. In this gallery, we look at some of the foodscapes he has produced over the years Picture: CARL WARNER

Coralscape: an underwater scene with coral made of broccoli, tropical fish made of various fruits and vegetables, and a pineapple island Picture: CARL WARNER

Autumn Flakes: an autumnal landscape made enirely out of breakfast cereals

A peapod boat sails away from a land made of bread and potatoes, over a sea of salmon

Bread and cheese: an edible landscape

Hot air balloons made of a variety of fruit and veg soar over fields of asparagus, courgettes, beans and corn

Parmesan cliffs with sweet potato boulders and cress and savoy cabbage foliage under a red cabbage sky

A farmyard scene with coconut haystacks

He spends a lot of time staring at vegetables in supermarkets, which can make him seem a little odd. However, finding the right shaped broccoli to use for a tree is an all-important task

Fishscape: with rocks made of oyster shells and crab claws, boats made of marrows and asparagus, and a shining, slivery, slippery sea of fish

A market scene commissioned by Sacla

Two landscapes in which everything you can see is made of cold meats or bread

A kitchen scene produced for Sacla, complete with pasta cushions and curtains

A boat made of half a marrow, some asparagus spears and a few olives braves a dark, stormy red cabbage ocean

An underwater cave scene, complete with carrot stalactites, a peapod boat, and sealife made of exotic fruits, cauliflower and broccoli

A landscape prduced for Sacla

Garlicshire: a village for lovers of garlic and cabbage

Photos Credit : Carl Warner via Telegraph.co.uk
This entry was posted in Awesome and tagged Art, Food, Pics. Bookmark the permalink.
One Response to Amazing Foodscapes Art : Landscapes Created with Eatables by Carl Warner (19 pics)

1.
BarefootFloor says:
October 15, 2010 at 12:57 AM

Whooow! These are truly the most amazing food creations I have ever seen! Great collection! Looks like a perfect selection of pictures for a kitchen or dining room decor
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Three Modes of Communication

There are three modes of communication: in head to head communication you talk, in heart to heart communication you sing, and soul to soul communication happens in silence.

When you meet with people, often you communicate from head to head. When you are with nature, you start singing, you communicate with nature from your heart. Often when you are with people you keep talking, blabbering, and you keep the communication on the level of the head only. But when you are with nature, you start humming and your communication comes through the heart. And when you are with the guru, you go blank and forget all the questions. Then communication comes through the soul in silence.

When you meet with people, you like to remain in the head, you seldom sing with people (other than when it is organised). Your ego obstructs you from singing. Many do not feel comfortable singing with people. When you sing with people then you descend to the heart level or feeling level. Some feel comfortable just listening to music. Some feel comfortable singing only when they are alone. Some sing to draw attention or to charm others. Some only want to join in when all the others are singing. All this singing comes from ego.

Bhajan means sharing, sharing from the deepest level of our existence. Bhajan is authentic sharing. If you could sing with people, then your ego shatters. Children can sing with people for they do not have ego. To sing with a stranger you have to be free of ego. Ego doesn't let you sing with a stranger. Head level is safe for the ego -heart level breaks the ego - soul level dissolves the ego. All communication gaps happen because of ego.



Exercise: when you are with people, rather than chatting just start singing and you can feel the shift of energy that is happening. If you want to have more fun, greet a stranger with a song.

Source - Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

Understanding Anger And Its Many Forms

Understanding Anger And Its Many Forms

It is easy to understand how anger is one of the greatest fires in the human mind. Anger may take the form of yelling, shouting and verbal abuse, such as threatening, accusing, demanding, giving ultimatums: 'Do it or else!' But anger is also seen in the irritation when we do not speak: it is that silent smoldering (burning) where we emit fumes and fires of stored resentments (anger) and hatred, which effectively cuts real communication with others and ultimately ruins relationships. We get angry because we expect a certain type of behavior from someone and when the behavior is not according to our expectations we become violent, convincing ourselves that others deserve to be punished. However, this result is an unresolved violence, which keeps emerging according to time and circumstance. Angry people feel too self-justified to even think about forgiveness, or letting go, in order make a person or situation peaceful - they are too attached to fact that they are right and the other is wrong.

Understanding The Mental Laws

Understanding The Mental Laws

The Law of Focus and Attention:

Wherever we focus our attention is where our thoughts are directed with most frequency and interest. Thus energy is produced in this direction, whether positive and beneficial energy or negative and harmful energy.
If we have a complicated mind, which thinks too much about certain things unnecessarily, our attention may be led towards the obstacles, problems, upsets and the things we worry about from a critical and negative viewpoint. By paying more attention to difficulties and problems, we feed these types of thoughts with our attention, so that we end up attracting these situations towards us. Finally, the problems and obstacles absorb us due to the amount of energy we have invested in them, turning what was perhaps a molehill (something very small) into a mountain.
The situation does not necessarily change immediately on changing our attitude. With this inner change, however, we will have more energy, clarity and determination to face up to and change the situation. When we focus on seeking solutions to problems and difficulties with a positive and enthusiastic attitude, we attract positive energy towards us, and this helps us transform mountains into molehills.

Understanding And Overcoming Insominia

Understanding And Overcoming Insomnia (Sleeplessness)

Over sixty percent of the population experience disturbed sleep or complete sleeplessness, either chronically or once in a while. Insomnia has never killed anyone, but to the person suffering from it, insomnia is as weakening as anemia and as nagging as an ulcer. Apart from physical causes such as malfunctioning of some organ, it is anxiety which is the cause of most sleep abnormalities.

Anxiety causes nightmares and night terrors in children, and it is the most frequent cause of sleep walking and sleep talking. Even small worries can cause insomnia, as the person lies in bed "over thinking" and fearing that he will not be able to sleep. The fear itself results in that very result i.e. inability to sleep. A vicious circle results, continuously, increasing the severity of the problem.

Since worries and over thinking are the prime causes of insomnia, the cure is obvious: stop worrying, especially at bedtime. Unfortunately, that advice, though true, is very difficult to put into practice. A period of meditation, ranging from ten minutes to half an hour, just before going to bed, is usually successful in eliminating the problem.

Meditation works by relaxing the mind. The peaceful mind quickly spreads its effect to the hypothalamus inside the brain, the region where the sleep centre is located. When the blockage there is removed, natural and peaceful functioning of the sleep centre is restored.

Conversation with Mihajlovic Vesna

Mihajlovic Vesna
Congratulations on that day that God chose

to bring to existence a person

so charismatic and beautiful as you.

I believe that God certainly

will grant the wish of his heart

because you're inside the heart

and of will of the Father

in their attitudes and way of life.

Cheers, congratulations and many happy returns!♥
Add a caption
Mihajlovic Vesna Congratulations on that day that God chose to bring to existence a person so charismatic and beautiful as you. I believe that God certainly will grant the wish of his heart because you're inside the heart and of will of the Father in their attitudes and way of life. Cheers, congratulations and many happy returns!♥
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Mihajlovic Vesna likes this.
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Mihajlovic Vesna so nice Sandra...thank you my wonderful friend This emoticon has been enhanced by Facicons This emoticon has been enhanced by Facicons
what a great poem you sent me...I am so appreciative This emoticon has been enhanced by Facicons Love you SandraThis emoticon has been enhanced by FaciconsThis emoticon has been enhanced by FaciconsThis emoticon has been enhanced by Facicons
9 hours ago · LikeUnlike · 1 personLoading... ·
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Badrinath Vasandi
Your home is in my heart;
My heart is like the ocean;
I'll rock while you're sleeping;
On a wave of sweet devotion.

...Your Home is in my heart
And my heart is every where;
whenever you may wander;
Know that I am there !

Your Home is in my heart,
And my heart is every where;
when you're feeling lonely,
It will carry you along.

AS GOD IS ALWAYS WITH YOU...YOU ARE THE GOD'S MOST LOVING CHILD....

HAPPY BIRTH DAY TO YOU VESNASee More
8 hours ago · LikeUnlike · 2 peopleLoading...
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Badrinath Vasandi thanks vesna
8 hours ago · LikeUnlike
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Mihajlovic Vesna OMG Vasandi This emoticon has been enhanced by Facicons...I am speechelss...what a wonderful great divine poem...thank you humbly my dear friend This emoticon has been enhanced by Facicons This emoticon has been enhanced by Facicons
may you always have all Gods Blessings...
8 hours ago · LikeUnlike ·
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Badrinath Vasandi so nice of you
8 hours ago · LikeUnlike
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Mihajlovic Vesna
You're the kind of person,
Who's hard to forget,
A one-in-a-million
To the people you've met.
Your friends are as varied
...As the places you go,
And they all want to tell you
In case you don't know:
That you make a big difference
In the lives that you touch,
By taking so little
And giving so much!See More
8 hours ago ·

A TALK WITH MY SPIRITUAL FRIEND MIHAJLOVIC VESNA

o conquer ourself is the greatest victory of all we could have...This emoticon has been enhanced by Facicons
Friday at 10:35pm · Comment · LikeUnlike

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Matthew Primont, Prîtz Çhhâbhâdîâ and 3 others like this.
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Badrinath Vasandi yes it is of course a great victory to conquer ourself..
Friday at 11:57pm · LikeUnlike
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Badrinath Vasandi yes, to begin with we should start to understand ourself...
Friday at 11:58pm · LikeUnlike
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Dharmesh Kumar Jain Yes, know thyself: in great concerns or small,
Be this thy care, for this, my friend, is all
Yesterday at 12:07pm · UnlikeLike · 1 personYou like this.
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Badrinath Vasandi According to Hindus, the Universe is made up of three primordial qualities (Gunas); 1st Tamo Guna, signifying depression, fear and emotional instability; 2nd Rajo Guna, characterized by anxiety and the feverishness and the 3rd Sattva Guna, that pertains to calm, peace and dynamism.When we move from Tamo Guna to Sattva, victory happens.....
Yesterday at 12:46pm · LikeUnlike
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Mihajlovic Vesna it is all up to our mind...the most powerful tool in the universe...
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Cliff Wells Thank You, The Mind is the most use use tool We all have to Conquer all of our GOALS///Being the Master of Our Life is A Life Long Process and Must be Work on Every DAY>!!!!!!!!!!!!!
20 hours ago · LikeUnlike · 1 personLoading...
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Badrinath Vasandi Mind is very destructive also, manipulative, unstable, cunning...for the last thousands and thousands of years, the saints of the whole world have been trying to control mind...but in vain...to connect ourselves with the super-being we have to be mindless...as spirituality means to go with the flow without application of mind...the more we try to control the mind, this becomes stronger and stronger...in the state of being there is no concept of mind...in Hindi there is a common word Manna for the Brain and Heart....

LONELINESS VS. ALONENESS - A DISCUSSION

Ljiljana Zurkic When we get rid of all illusions,we finally come into contact with reality and we are never alone.Loneliness is not cured sociallizing with other people ,it is cured by contact with reality.
19 hours ago · Comment · LikeUnlike



Badrinath Vasandi Well-said Zurkic...Loneliness is a negative state of mind. Al oneness is positive..In dictionary these two words are synonymous - but in in real life not..loneliness is state of mind when we are constantly missing the other. Al oneness is state of mind when we are constantly delighted in our self. Al oneness is blissful. Loneliness is always worried, missing some thing, hankering for some thing,desiring some thing....Al oneness is deep fulfillment It is always in aloneness we come into contact with the reality..
18 hours ago · LikeUnlike · 1 personLjiljana Zurkic likes this.
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Badrinath Vasandi thanks Zurkic
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Ljiljana Zurkic welcome
18 hours ago · LikeUnlike
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Badrinath Vasandi we are actually in the world of illusions. sometimes it seems that life is also an illusion...we see, the sky. white or blue, but is not, grass is not green, the tree is not like this, earth is not like this...this all is because of our color vision... a dog listen at some other frequency...the entire things are like this....
18 hours ago · LikeUnlike
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Ljiljana Zurkic Interesting...we have been created to be such and it is our nature,our reality.Not many people can see things,people,nature as it really is.Only a few people grasp the essence of life and really understand.Their view has the depth and their kindness is rises from their eyes .Their soul is chaste and they are never alone.
17 hours ago · LikeUnlike
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Badrinath Vasandi nicely said Zurkic...Al oneness is tremendously content, happy , celebrating. In aloneness we are centered and rooted. Aloneness is sheer independent. One feels as if one is one's whole existence
17 hours ago · LikeUnlike · 1 personLjiljana Zurkic likes this.
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Discussions with my lovely enlightened friends

hen you feel weary, lean on your faith. Know that faith is the salve that heals a tired body, mind, and spirit. Allow this powerful energy to fortify and refresh you. Take a deep breath now and connect with your faith in this present moment; you are here for a reason. Laura Lester Fournier
Thursday at 12:55am · Comment · LikeUnlike

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Beata Bohac and 3 others like this.
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Beata Bohac It's no fun to be "between faiths". I had a strong believe, but found some flaws because I searched the history and evolution of religion. So right now, I'm searching for the Truth - life is much harder, I'm a pilgrim, questioning everything. Intellect and faith doesn't mix, but I need to continue w/ my struggle. Thanks for all your inspirations, Alicia
Thursday at 1:41am · LikeUnlike
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Alicia Isaacs
You're welcome Beata. Searching for the truth begins by asking questions. Look to the Spirit within as you ask. Be specific with your questions and watch the answers come to you. How to know if the answer is the truth? You'll know, you'll f...eel a sense of peace within you. Don't throw out all that you've learned from your religion. Keep that which is good and release those that no longer serve you and improve on those thoughts and beliefs that could be improved on. It's a part of the growth process of life.See More
Thursday at 11:22am · LikeUnlike
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Beata Bohac It's deeply ingrained in me that I should obey only one God/ one religion. It is difficult for me to "mix and match" and to internalize bits and pieces of various faiths. I do realize that God has many names and is the epitome of love. I can't get over the part that one needs a savior to be able to communicate with God.
Thursday at 7:31pm · LikeUnlike
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Alicia Isaacs
There's only one truth, though it may be expressed in many different forms. It all leads back to the Source of all. Tree growth in Canada, the US, Asia is all the same. They may look a bit different but the process is still the same.

Love i...s expressed in many different ways but the Source is still the same. If love is your guide at all times, you'll always be on track. Because love wants the best for others. Love grows. Love makes the world go around. Love heals. Let love be your number 1 goal in all you do and you will have and know the truth. Let unconditional love be your only truth. Come from a place of love and only love will be expressed in your life and you will have found your place. Love is God and God is love. You can never go wrong with that.

What do you mean by 'I can't get over the part that one needs a savior to be able to communicate with God.' Are you saying that you feel that you need to have a savior to communicate with God or are you saying that you don't believe you have to have a savior to communicate with God?See More
Thursday at 9:59pm · LikeUnlike
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Badrinath Vasandi This religion complicates and confuses the issues...I am of the opinion that God is one and only...there is nothing like my and your God...
Thursday at 11:36pm · LikeUnlike · 1 personLoading...
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Beata Bohac Yes, I also believe in monotheism. My past is rooted in Christianity, it is the religion of my mother, as you know, it is very difficult to disown the faith of one's elder. The basic of Christianity as you well know, is that to reach God you need to channel your prayers through Jesus, the saviour.
Friday at 12:55am · LikeUnlike
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Alicia Isaacs I totally agree with you Badrinath. When you get into the my God and your God that's where division and confusion comes in. Love knows no boundaries. Love is accepting of all and embraces all. God is one God and all comes out of the One Life Force and all return to the same.
Friday at 2:28am · LikeUnlike
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Alicia Isaacs
Beata, I have also been brought up as a Christian and I'll share my belief with you. I have taken the stance of referring myself as growing into Christlikeness and not I'm a Christian. Many have labelled themselves as such and only carry t...he label of Christianity and not the heart and spirit of Christ.

Jesus taught and walked in love. This was his life. Many of the things he said of himself was on a spiritual basis. I believe that Jesus identified more with the Spirit and being one with God than with his physical identity as a man. His life as the Saviour is God's physical expression in flesh to human. And this expression was a physical tangible example to show us who we are, to answer the question who am I, where did I come from?

The same path Jesus took to get here is the same path that we followed to get to planet earth. We are also physical expressions of God but many have lost their identity and roam around with a sense of amnesia, dazzled by this physical world. When we return within and become conscious of our oneness with God, like the example Jesus displayed, we can reconnect to our Source and realize the same power Jesus displayed on earth. It is for all of us. That was his purpose. We also need to live out our purpose here on earth and the only way we'd know our purpose, like Jesus did, is to return to the Source and connect with the Universal Spirit once again.

I said to you come from a place of love. The place of Unconditional Love is within your heart with the Spirit, where the Great Universal Spirit dwells and in this place we are one with all who connects with the Source, including Jesus and all men and women who choose to walk in the light of the Spirit. We are one in God.

Following Christ is not a religion it is a lifestyle. Men have made it into a religion. It is a relationship with one who knows the path to God and has walked in it just as we follow men on earth who have left a great impact on our lives.

Many of us embrace the religions of our parents and have not come into our own understanding and experience. Even though I was brought up in Christianity I chose to explore this life and relationship on my own to find myself. It is not my parent's or anybody else's path but my own by experience. And no one else can determine that experience for me and neither should anyone for you. You choose.See More
Friday at 2:51am · LikeUnlike · 1 personBeata Bohac likes this.
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Beata Bohac Thanks so much Alicia for taking the time to reply and for your wisdom. I printed your reply, need to do some thinking. Just one question right now: Do you consider the bible to be the Word of God?
Friday at 6:43pm · LikeUnlike
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Badrinath Vasandi
i used to say that there are four things which are essential for life and one among four is to adhere to once religion..every religion teaches us ethics and all dos and donts....but with full awareness...in we Hindu, when one take birth, he... or she is told the lies, the ready made.. stories..and up to.. the end he or she not clear about them..every community has its heroes and they worship its heroes...but now the things are more and clear....science has come up with new results..to adhere to ones religion, is the first step, that step is also essential, but to know the truth one has to come back from market, he has to enter within...and there he would find the whole..,See More
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Beata Bohac
I hear what you're saying. One needs to find his own Truth. That truth has to come from within. You have secred text and teachings that provide moral foundation for conduct. I find tht the bible provides the same for me.
I believe Hinduism ...is the oldest religion in the world, which would mean that all other religions came from it.See More
Friday at 7:39pm · LikeUnlike · 1 personLoading...
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Alicia Isaacs
You're welcome Beata. All of God's words can never be contained in one book. The Bible is a source of inspiration and direction and very profound. Many inspired writings have also been intentionally left out of the final print. But I believ...e that what we have has been inspired by God very much like other writings of today. God has never ceased to speak and continue to do so through many vessels today, through many books.

What I do when I read the Bible is to open my heart to the Spirit of the Word and allow the Spirit to guide me and open my understanding to what is being said. To read the word without the Spirit of the word is lifeless. We need the wisdom of the Spirit to help us.

Truth is truth. There's only one truth. Just as there's only one God. And no matter what banner you go under if you are open to the Spirit, the same truth is revealed from the One Eternal Spirit.

Find the Great Eternal Spirit within you. And when you've found the kingdom and experienced the kingdom for yourself, you'll find yourself standing on solid rock.See More
Friday at 10:56pm · LikeUnlike
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Alicia Isaacs
Thanks for sharing Badrinath. We are an evolving race and the closer we get to Light the more is revealed to us. When we were children we believed and did certain things that an adult would frown on or even smile at. When we grow up we lay ...aside many of these childish beliefs because we've come into a greater awareness.

So it is with us. Even though we are adults in body we are still children in our understanding of spirituality. As we grow up spiritually and come into more awareness - being open to more Light - we lay aside the childish beliefs and accept new ones as the Spirit reveals them to us. It's all part of the growth process.

And as we return to the Source of all life and become quiet and listen within, more of the wisdom of the Spirit is given to us.See More
Friday at 11:02pm · LikeUnlike
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Badrinath Vasandi
Alicia - i salute you....i appreciate your each and every word....we are still childish because we have conditioned like this...I read Bible, I read Qran I read book of so many other religions...I have respect for all...not less than my ow...n religion i.e. Hinduism....every religion educate us, tell us about the ethics and all other good things....
I am also of the view that one should invariably follow the religion in which he takes birth....all religion show us the path like all saints and guru..the journey of within i will have to perform myself..and one can find God only within...and no where outside..thanks Alicia and BeataSee More
Friday at 11:38pm · LikeUnlike
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Badrinath Vasandi
Beata and Isaac ..I invite you to visit my blog and go through two important research..one Lord Rama was the King of Messopotamia and the other Lord Kirhsna was the King of Jerusalem...I am a Panjabi Hindu India but my tongue is Indo-Europe...an, Sanskrit is an Indo-European language, we all are one, where-ever we went in the past, we carried with us stories of our Heroes.English word GOD I interpret as G for generator, O for Operator and D for Destructor in Hinduism these are Brahma, Vishnu and Mahesh.. basically we all are one..
aSee More
Friday at 11:44pm · LikeUnlike
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Alicia Isaacs
Thank you Badrinath. Following the religion of one's birth may be the foundational steps for one's life but ultimately each of us must turn from all that's outside of us and come into knowing the one Universal God for ourselves.

It is no lon...ger my parent's belief or my elder's belief, but I have come into a relationship with the Great One, the Great Universal Spirit and when I have experienced this internal relationship, this internal awakening, then I live my life from within outward and not the other way around. That's the direction we should all be going to find home.

What's the link for your blog?See More
Yesterday at 12:22am · LikeUnlike
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Badrinath Vasandi
The religious books and religion at that time were just like our rule books or so many other informative books. It was just to make understand the things to the people who were not so grown at that time...as we say A for Apple, B for Bat a...nd C for Cat.. neither the A is apple, nor the B is Bat nor the C is Cat...actually this was to catalyze the things...but the people have been so conditioned that they would not like to accept this..rather religions have made the who complicated and confusing....also see in my Blog Facts about ReligionSee More
Yesterday at 12:29am · LikeUnlike
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Badrinath Vasandi
Facts about religions

Christianity:

One Christ,
...One Bible,
One Religion
You know
the Latin Catholic
will not enter
Syrian Catholic Church.

These two will not enter
Marthoma Church.

These three will not enter
Pentecost Church.

These four will not enter
Salvation Army Church.

These five will not enter
Seventh Day Adventist Church.

These six will not enter
Orthodox Church.

These seven will not enter
Jacobite church.

Like this there are 146 castes in Kerala alone
for Christianity,
each will never share their churches
for fellow Christians.. !

Wonderful..!
One Christ, One Bible, One Jehova.....
What a unity!

Muslims:

One Allah,
One Quran,
One Nebi....!
Great unity!

Among Muslims,
Shia and Sunni kill each other
in all the Muslim countries.

The religious riot in most Muslim countries
is always between these two sects.

The Shia will not go to Sunni Mosque.

These two will not go to
Ahamadiya Mosque.

These three will not go to
Sufi Mosque.

These four will not go to
Mujahiddin mosque...

Like this it appears
there are 13 castes in Muslims.

Killing / bombing / conquering / massacring/. ..
each other !

The American attack to the Muslim land of Iraq
is fully supported by
all the Muslim countries surrounding Iraq!

One Allah,
One Quran,
One Nebi....!
Great unity!

All Muslims
are not Terrorists,
but
all Terrorists are Muslims.

60% of
all victims of Muslim terrorism are Muslims.

Hindus:

1,280 Religious Books,
10,000 Commentaries,
more than one lakh sub-commentaries
for these foundation books,
330 million gods,
variety of Aacharyas,
thousands of Rishies,
hundreds of languages...

still everyone goes to the
SAME TEMPLE ...
whether unity is for Hindus or others?

Hindus never quarreled each other
for the last ten thousand years in
the name of religion.

Only Politicians
had tried to divide and rule
Keep Religion out of Politics
and
India will be the most peaceful
place on earth.

Proud to be an INDIAN and Hindu !

Sriram Savarkar ©
Hinduism is more a way of life than a method of worship.
Dharmo Rakshati Rakshithaha
If you protect Dharma, Dharma will in turn protect you.
Hindus, If people slap you once, slap them twice!
Posted by VASANDI'S Blog at 11:06 AMSee More
Yesterday at 12:35am · LikeUnlike
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Alicia Isaacs All religions have flaws in it, don't kid yourself. But it is for each individual to take the good and throw out that which is not clothed in love and find the truth of God within and establish that relationship with God within oneself. Perfection is in God and as we move towards the Light, we enter more and more into that perfection ourselves becoming one with the light.
Yesterday at 1:24am · LikeUnlike
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Badrinath Vasandi well said Isaacs.
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Beata Bohac Thank you both. Thank you for knowing that I'm very serious about this and treating it as such. I've printed out all your comments, I can't just read it and set it aside, I need to study and ruminate on it. Thank so much, I appreciate your help very much.
Yesterday at 1:44am · LikeUnlike · 1 personLoading...
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Badrinath Vasandi
No Beata don't take like this..it is general ..now science has come very close to God....and the things are becoming clearer and clearer...one should have complete faith on his or her religion...that is the base..and those who have no faith... in their religion are the most miserable persons. Religion gives us strength...but we are discussing to continue the quest....new discovery of science...there is only one source of energy in the entire universe...and it has the consciousness...just for five minutes, while going to sleep, one asks himself "who is I ? Where from I have come ? What is purpose of my coming ? where I will go ?See More
Yesterday at 1:52am · LikeUnlike · 1 personLoading...
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Beata Bohac Are you saying that God = energy? I know I have energy, but I never thought of myself as being energy. I've read theories of "Collective consciousness" - we are all one - and I had trouble with that! I'm not Stalin or Hitler, I'm not you, I'm me. I got some books from the library too and I will study and think.......Thanks for your responses Badrinath.
Yesterday at 2:03am · LikeUnlike · 1 personAlicia Isaacs likes this.
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Badrinath Vasandi
this actually is because of ego, which separates us from others as well as from that superbeing..the moment we are connected, these all things settle down...Stalin and Hitlers were like that
, because of their ego , their minds...but i als...o accept my knowledge is not so deep....i know the headlines as well as some small things that too in patches...i want to enrich my knowledge through sharing on such topics...See More
Yesterday at 2:12am · LikeUnlike · 1 personLoading...
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Beata Bohac I'm going to check out your blog, thanks.
Yesterday at 2:25am · LikeUnlike
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Alicia Isaacs
That's exactly it Beata. The essence of who God is, is energy which is expressed in physical form. Everything in the earth is an expression of the 'glory of God' - who God is. God's essence is in all that's why you cannot contain God. God i...s Omnipresent - everywhere, God is Omniscient - Knows all things, God is Omnipotent - all powerful. God fills all space, all time, all of us and in between.

We are one because of the essence of God that's in us and we are all connected through this same universal force. God is expressed in a very unique way through you, through me, through Badrinath, through the plants, animals and all of the universe. God is in all an is all.

It is in our conscious connectedness with God and our allowance of the flow of all of the beauty that is God which will allow us to see and express God's light in our lives. The further away from the consciousness and connectedness from God the less we express light. We become more like a sunless day.

Stalin's and Hitler's consciousness were not of Oneness with God. When we are away from God what else is there? Just darkness - the opposite of light and of who God is.

Jesus said he's one with God and God is one with him. You see me, you see the Father. I and the Father are one. Jesus spoke of the same oneness. Do you see how the basis for this is all connected even to other forms of religions as well? If Jesus is God and God is Jesus and Jesus said that we are one with him, does that not make you one with God as well? It sure does. God in you and you in God.

So coming back to where you search to find the answers? Again, get to a quiet place and look within to the essence of the truth. To God. I could share with you all of this. But one thing I know that is paramount to all is that you must come into your own connectedness with God. You must spend time in quietness and ask questions of God in your quiet hour. And listen to the answers that come to you. What do you want to know first? Ask that question and say, "God, I need to know ....?" That is how you develop that personal inner rapport with the Great Universal Spirit. Listen quietly. Develop your listening skills and allow God to unfold in your life.

When you know, you know. It wouldn't be on someone else's words, but on what you have come to know and experience. Then you would not be shaken or moved. Your inner roots would have sunken deep into the soil of the Spirit and you will grow and flourish from within.See More
Yesterday at 3:50am · LikeUnlike
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Badrinath Vasandi Thanks Alicia..i am really enlightened with your nice interpretation ...thank u so much....
Yesterday at 11:55am · LikeUnlike
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Beata Bohac I thank you too, Alicia, you have put lots of time & effort into this...I do have some questions, will ask when time allows. Thanks so much again. xx
14 hours ago · LikeUnlike · 1 personAlicia Isaacs likes this.
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Alicia Isaacs You`re welcome Badrinath and thank you. Have a great weekend.
5 hours ago · LikeUnlike · 1 personAlicia Isaacs likes this.
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Alicia Isaacs You`re welcome Beata. That`s what it`s all about, to share with others our personal experiences and understanding and be the light to others as well. Ask away when you`re ready. Have a great weekend.
5 hours ago · LikeUnlike
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Beata Bohac Thanks Alicia and Happy Thanksgiving. We have lots to be thankful for.
5 hours ago · LikeUnlike
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Alicia Isaacs You`re welcome and to you too. So true. We are so blessed. Thank you for being my FB friend.
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Badrinath Vasandi
Good Morning Beata...only got ten minutes just forget the question..simply accept 'yes it is so' and experience the tremendous change...it happened with all...question is the product of argumentative.... mind....ego...just accept...for a wh...ile...surrender
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